Can these tears stop falling?

misty416March 27, 2005

Alot of loss has happened in my life in the past 2 years.My mom died of cancer 1 1/2 years ago suddenly and unexpectedly.She was diagnosed with the cancer on my birthday and died 6 weeks later.I had no idea she was sick--mom was a very active lady.Birthdays are not the same for me now with increased saddness.Dad died in October 2004 and i shared alot of wonderfl times with him before his death.Dad died peacefully in his sleep.I recently ended a 3 year relationship with a wonderful man who has the disease of alcoholism and denies it.I do attend Al-Anon meetings.All different emotions surfaced after the relationship ended.I think i am grieving all the losses now at one time--kind of a delayed reaction if possible.I know what i am feeling is normal (sadness,depression,anger,disorganization,guilt,and lack of self-esteem.I cannot stop crying and it comes over me at no set time.I cry wherever over these feelings of grief.I don't know if i can make it thru.I am a nurse 26 years and have dealt with alot of death and dying.Nothing can prepare you,and it is so different when it is a much loved family member.Ending the relationship is also a loss and last year i lost my job in June 2004.I recently started a new job which i feel is good for me because it gets me out of the house.I am glad i had the time off from June-Febuary to spend with my dad.I have no family left now--although i have a brother we are not close at all.I feel so lonely and the pain in my heart is stabbing.Will this ever subside?? When i think i am all cried out the tears start all over again.Thank you for allowing me to vent,and God bless.Maryann

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jlj48

Maryann,
I am so glad that you have written. You are in the right place. I think you are right when you say that your feelings are normal and that you are grieving for everything all at once. It must be so hard you have had many losses fairly close together. I lost my dad in August and he had only been sick 3 weeks. It was so hard because we were close and I too am not close with my siblings. My mom was in ICU last week and is not doing well. It is hard. I feel almost orphaned and I'm sure you do too. I think it's great that you are working again. It will take your mind off of everything and you now have even so much more to offer your patients in terms of understanding them. Just keep letting yourself grieve and give yourself time. Don't close off friends and co-workers especially if they don't say the right things. It seems like few people do when you're grieving. In time, a low dose antidepressant may help you to feel more in control of your emotions if you should want to consider it. I took one for awhile when I lost my infant son a few years ago and it really helped me. Keep us posted and let us know how your are doing. Everyone here has had losses and know how you are feeling. And our thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Bookmark   March 27, 2005 at 10:07PM
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misty416

Hi Joannie,
Thank you for your reply.I am sorry for your tremendous loss.It is good to know we are not alone.I know i must go thru this grieving process,but it is not easy.I am taking a low dose antidepressant but feel it is not working.Can these emotions and this grieve process interfere with the effects of the drug?Maybe i need to try a different antidepressant-there are so many out there.I am also worrying alot and feel scared.Is this a normal reaction under these circumstances? Maryann

    Bookmark   March 27, 2005 at 10:27PM
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jlj48

Maryann,
I am not in the medical profession so I cannot respond to your concerns about your medicine. But you are alone now, I am gathering, and feeling overwhelmed. You have started a new job and are trying to process the past few months and year. I think it is probably normal to feel worried and scared. I feel worried and scared too. Everybody does. I am at a point now in my grief where it has opened my eyes to the reality of my life. Who is real in my life and who is in name only. And what my priorities are. I am looking at the rest of my life and wondering how it's going to unfold and how I will handle certain stages. It is really hitting home that EVERYBODY dies, and that death is a part of life, and that each day is a gift, not to be wasted in anger, or resentment, or even too much television. Perhaps you are having an awakening of sorts too. I do not thing that your emotions or grief process would interfere with your drug. Antidepressants do not erase your grief as you know, but may help you to be a little more in control so you can actually process your feelings. They just help some people cope if the intensity of their grief continues. It sounds like you need to see your Dr. to discuss your medication and whether your not you should switch to something else or increase your dosage. Good luck to you.
Joanie

    Bookmark   March 27, 2005 at 11:30PM
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misty416

Hi Joanie,
Can anybody respond to this message?? I have not received any input from anyone besides you.Do not misunderstand Joanie because i value your responses to my message.I am new to this site and still learning the rules.
Today i am feeling guilty for breaking up my relationship with my ex.I am feeling the break-up was all my fault.I want to go run back to him---but i will not. I am trying to be strong.I will mail the keys to his condo today and later this evening i am going to a Al-Anon meeting.I am thinking about the EAP program at work.Sometimes the EAP counselor can be skilled in grieving only,and keep it on that topic.Every little bit helps.I am on a internet dating service looking for companionship.I met my ex on Matchmaker.com and that lasted 3 years.I am very cautious and careful.At times i feel it is to soon to be dating but it is nice just to communicate with these men.I am running out of space here so i will say goodbye and God bless to everyone........Maryann................

    Bookmark   March 29, 2005 at 12:30PM
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Wendy_L

Hi Maryann,

My gosh, you have been through a lot in the last 2 years. I am so sorry. I hope you are holding up okay? I can certainly feel for you. My mom just died a little over two months ago, my sister 3 years ago and my dad 10 years ago. You are doing the right thing ending a relationship if it isn't good for you, but I know it is hard to be strong. You probably feel like you have no one to lean on anymore. Try the counsellor, it may help you more than you know and I am sure that the Al-Anon meetings help too.

You mentioned that you feel like your anti-depressant isn't working .. try talking to your doctor, maybe it isn't the right one for you. Were you on it before and it stopped working or did you just start it?

Try to stay strong.. life is too short (as we all know) to be unhappy. There is happiness out there for you, you just have to find it.

Take care of yourself.
Wendy

    Bookmark   March 30, 2005 at 9:02PM
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misty416

Hi Wendy,
Thank you for the message.It is a very difficult time for me.I feel like a orphan--i really do not have any other family. I started the antidepressant a month ago.I never took this medicine before.I think maybe i expect to much from it.I hope i can stop crying sometime soon.I am not eating or sleeping well.I average 5-6 hours sleep a nite and have lost 10 pounds in the past 2 years.I am much too thin now (110)My parents would not want me to suffer like this and i must get stronger.What should i eat to gain weight? It is normal to mope around??I am starting a grieving group on Sunday and think it will be good for me.
Maryann

    Bookmark   March 30, 2005 at 9:43PM
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socks

Misty, I know how you feel about being an orphan. The parents who have always, always been there are gone. I feel that way too.

Glad to hear you are starting the grieving group. You also need to talk with your physician about the effectiveness or dose of the antidepressant.

Stay busy, do things you enjoy--hobbies (start a new one) take some lessons of any kind, and exercise helps a lot too. Go to a gym or ride your bike. Invite a friend to lunch and a movie.

You cannot deny your feelings of loss and grief; I believe they have to be part of your life now. Don't let them overwhelm your life; let the "good stuff" be the greater part of your life.

    Bookmark   April 1, 2005 at 1:02AM
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