help...lost a loved one of 18.. i am 16.
i just typed a whole thing... and it got deleted... so this probably wont be as detailed. but i am 16 and just lost my boyfriend who was 18 years old. im not going to even try and prove how special and rare our love was, because if you think that i'm too naive to know this, then you will never understand. all i know is that... i have no will to live anymore. this isnt right and it isnt fair. he had a cardiac arrest... and the autopsy results are pending. i dont know what to do with my self. i honestly feel like i'm going to die of a broken heart. i will never, ever find anyone else like him. and everyone else i have spoken to has agreed, because he has touched so many people who have stories of his kindness and brilliance and how he helped everyone, strangers, everyone. i am feeling guilty, confused... overwhelmed. im not strong enough for this... i'm too young. we were going to spend our lives together... i havent even got to experience that. i havent had the chance to have a child with him, to at leasth ave something to love and devote my life to. my parents have made our relationship a living hell, and never once did he say maybe we should split because of it. he didnt want to be with anyone else, all this time. never. i was the one who thought maybe we should split... and that probablybroke his heart. i was scared by my feelings, i thought maybe i was too young. its funny how death puts things into perspective...
anyway... i really... need help. i dont know what to do. every night i pray for god to grant me a miracle, for me to wake up before this happened (which was last tuesday, march 7). i pray and pray for me to wake up and to find out that it is monday. and i would call him, and talk and talk. i would make him go to the hospital because he said he hadn't been feeling well before that. theres so much i would do... so much i would say. every night i pray for that chance... because this isn't fair.
i know i will never, ever love again. i know it. and its not because this is fresh. and if you dont believe me... well i'll come back years from now to say the same thing, because i strongly believe it. that is, assuming, that i'm still around... i dont know how much longer i can go on like this. i really dont.