help...lost a loved one of 18.. i am 16.

angelfallsMarch 12, 2006

i just typed a whole thing... and it got deleted... so this probably wont be as detailed. but i am 16 and just lost my boyfriend who was 18 years old. im not going to even try and prove how special and rare our love was, because if you think that i'm too naive to know this, then you will never understand. all i know is that... i have no will to live anymore. this isnt right and it isnt fair. he had a cardiac arrest... and the autopsy results are pending. i dont know what to do with my self. i honestly feel like i'm going to die of a broken heart. i will never, ever find anyone else like him. and everyone else i have spoken to has agreed, because he has touched so many people who have stories of his kindness and brilliance and how he helped everyone, strangers, everyone. i am feeling guilty, confused... overwhelmed. im not strong enough for this... i'm too young. we were going to spend our lives together... i havent even got to experience that. i havent had the chance to have a child with him, to at leasth ave something to love and devote my life to. my parents have made our relationship a living hell, and never once did he say maybe we should split because of it. he didnt want to be with anyone else, all this time. never. i was the one who thought maybe we should split... and that probablybroke his heart. i was scared by my feelings, i thought maybe i was too young. its funny how death puts things into perspective...

anyway... i really... need help. i dont know what to do. every night i pray for god to grant me a miracle, for me to wake up before this happened (which was last tuesday, march 7). i pray and pray for me to wake up and to find out that it is monday. and i would call him, and talk and talk. i would make him go to the hospital because he said he hadn't been feeling well before that. theres so much i would do... so much i would say. every night i pray for that chance... because this isn't fair.

i know i will never, ever love again. i know it. and its not because this is fresh. and if you dont believe me... well i'll come back years from now to say the same thing, because i strongly believe it. that is, assuming, that i'm still around... i dont know how much longer i can go on like this. i really dont.

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I'm so sorry about this tragedy. What a horrible shock for you and all who loved him. I don't think just because you are only 16 that you could not love deeply. You have suffered a crushing blow in the loss of your boyfriend. Take care of yourself and stay in touch here to let us know how you are doing. My heart aches for you.

    Bookmark   March 12, 2006 at 8:00PM
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I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your such a young age especially. Your grief is still so fresh..Maybe look into some counselling if you can. That's the #1 thing I would have done differently after Bryce died..Gone to counselling sooner. Right now it seems unbearable, but you will get through..Just take each day as it comes. Some days will be worse than others, but eventually you'll begin to heal. Keep in touch here..Talking about your feelings helps.

    Bookmark   March 13, 2006 at 8:17AM
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I will never tell you your feelings are not real. I know that they are. I remember being 16 and so in love. I know it was and is real. Please hang in there. I think everything seems so intense when you're a teenager anyway, and now this. I know you are in pain. Please know there is nothing you could have done to change this outcome. Maybe someday you will know more, but not now. The time is not now. You have to get through this one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Please find others you can talk to about your feelings. You will get through this. Your boyfriend would have wanted that for you. If he loved you he would NOT want you to be hurting. But you can not do this alone. You have to talk to others. Keep talking. Come here to this forum and talk to us, talk to friends, talk to teachers, find a grief group, anything. Hang in there.

    Bookmark   March 13, 2006 at 4:28PM
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Hi Angelfalls,
I am so very sorry for your loss. You are far too young to have to even think about the ending of a life so dear, as you are at the age of just beginning yours. I don't doubt the love you felt for your boyfriend. That is not in question. True, you will never love like that again, but you will be able to still love, but in a new way. I have always felt that no two loves are alike, say, like the love you feel for a sibling and a parent are totally different obviously, but even in love you feel for a signifigant other, no two are alike. We sincerely hope that you will keep coming back and let us know how you're doing. Are any of your friends or family supportive in any ways? I do hope you have someone that can just listen to you, if that's all they do. Having a shoulder to cry on or someone hearing your sorrows can be of some help. Hoping we here can offer you some hope. We care!!!!! Hugs.
Emma in PA

    Bookmark   March 13, 2006 at 6:40PM
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Angelfalls, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I too, remember being 16 and so in love. I know that the feelings are real.
Having lost my 19 year old daughter and watching her boyfriend deal with her loss, I can speak only from that experience. I have not ever lost a boyfriend. They loved each other very much and he grieved greatly, as you do.
After almost 8 years, he recently found another girl whom he loves and who makes him happy. He will always have Christin in his heart along with all of the very happy memories and so many special times that they shared. Just because he has moved with his life doesn't mean that he has forgotten her or ever will. I know that Christin would want him to have a happy life because she loved him that much.
I know that you don't feel like living or thinking about the future and Christin's boyfriend didn't either. All he could think about was Christin and being with her again no matter what it took. As time passed, that pain eased and happy memories took the place of the horrible sadness and grief and lonliness. The same thing will happen with you.
I know it doesn't seem possible now, but it will happen.
Just take each day at a time with your grief, just like we all have to do. I promise you, he will remain in your heart, but your heart wom't feel broken anymore. It will heal.
I'm glad you came here. We all care.
If you would like to see Christin and a picture of her and her boyfriend, you can enter this site.

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site

    Bookmark   March 20, 2006 at 8:33PM
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One of our forum members, Lauren, lost her son in an motorcycle accident recently. Darren's girlfriend is grieving terribly. I just wrote Lauren to see if maybe his girlfriend and you could possibly hook up to share feelings and support each other. She will know what you are dealing with.

    Bookmark   March 20, 2006 at 8:37PM
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My name is Lauren. On Dec. 6,2005 my son Darren was called back home by his creator while he was riding his motorcycle with some buddies. He was taken by his special angel on impact of the crash. He was looking at engagement rings the night before his death. He was 23 and his girlfriend of 2 years is 20. She is as devestated as his brothers and sister and we (mom & Dad) are. She could not go back to collage this semester is barely getting thru her work day. The place she works at is very understanding and allows her scheduale to be flexiable. I am going to call her and ask her to visit you at this site. She has a web page on "My Space". Her name is Tori Leger (Ty-Grrr) She needs someone closer to her age to talk to that has experience the kind of loss that you two have gone thru.I know what it is like (unfortunatly)to bury a son not a spouse. I believe what you are experienceing is true agony for such a young age. Please keep your heart open and know that others are hurting with you. Keep putting on a smile and one day that smile will be real not just put-on.!
Stay in touch....Lauren-----Darren's mom

    Bookmark   March 20, 2006 at 10:28PM
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Are you getting any support or counseling? How about through your school? I hope if you have a school social worker, or a counselor if there is no social worker, you will meet with that person to discuss how you are feeling. Please know that he or she must keep what you say confidentical, unless you appear to be a danger to yourself or someone else. It sounds like maybe there were some issues with your family about this young man, whom you loved. Is that keeping you from wanting, asking for, or getting support from your parents?

I have no doubt that your parents love you very much and that they want to help you, even if there were differences about your boy friend. You might want to talk with the social worker about how these feelings are making it more difficult for you to deal with your grief. Please write again and let us know what is happening, OK? Nikoleta

    Bookmark   April 2, 2006 at 10:05PM
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Hi Angel:
My daughter Krista's boyfriend of 3 years Eric was also killed March 5, 2006, in an automobile accident while having an asthma attach. She is 20 and he was 22. I actually got on line tonight to try and find a way that I could help her cope and came across your story. I cry with her many nights and my heart hurts so bad for her and my loss of Eric. Now, knowing you are out there I feel for you also. Your story sounds very simular and I'm sure the pain is the same. If I can find any resourses to help, I will post them back on your web page. Please take care of yourself and know that when you cry it is only because you have loved someone.
Krista's Mom

    Bookmark   April 23, 2006 at 11:29PM
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Hi Angel ~
Honey, We wish you would post and let us know how you are feeling today. You are in our thougths and prayers dear one.
Please pray for peace. Jesus hears you. He will answer.
Sending gentle hugs,

    Bookmark   April 25, 2006 at 10:31PM
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Dear barbstaxi,
My beloved sons girlfriend is still having a difficult time coping with the loss of Darren whom she dated for 2 years. They had looked at engagement rings the night before his tragic motorcycle accident.He was 23 and she is 20. She just came back from a curise with family members but all she could see were "couples" together. She did not go back to collage this semester but plans to restart in the fall. After almost 5 months we still have many a tearfull time together.
Tori, my sons girlfreind wants so desperatly to talk with someone her own age that has/is experiencing the same grieve. Please contact me and possibly we can help your daughter and Tori connect. Lauren----Darrens mom

    Bookmark   April 26, 2006 at 11:40PM
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Thanks for answering, I wish Angel (the girl who started this page would answer).
My daughter Krista would like talking to Tori, someone in here same position. She also dropped out of college this quarter and says she will go back in the fall. She was suppose to get a ring from Eric on her birthday, May 19, not an engagement ring, but one they had been looling at. Eric's parents knew what ring he was going to buy her, so with his insurance money they are surprising her for her birthday. She will treasure it forever. His parents are great people, his mother would like talking to you also in her same position. I presume Tori loved your son as much as Krista loved Eric. It has been the most heartbreaking experience I hope I ever have to go through. Crying has become a part of our everyday life.
If you would like to e-mail me, I would love to let Krista and Tori get together some how, IM or phone. My e-mail is
Angel, if you are reading these, please e-mail me also, you, like Krista and Tori are not alone. Barb

    Bookmark   April 30, 2006 at 10:34PM
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