My best friend is dying

ccoombs1March 1, 2007

My dear friend has multiple myloma. In spite of agressive treatment, she now has developed plasmocytoma which is ravaging her body at an uncontrollable rate. Even with radiation, she has been give only a couple of months to live. I have never lost anyone before and I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to say goodby.

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loagiehoagie

Just be there for her. Share stories, laugh and hold her hand. If you can tape record some stories...do so. I wish I would have thought to do that with my mom. I know the next place we go is so much better, but it is so hard to be left behind while are friends and loved ones fly away to paradise.

My thoughts are with you.

Duane

    Bookmark   March 1, 2007 at 6:22PM
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wyatts_mommy

I have lost several loved ones in my life. I've had the opportunity to say goodbye and sometimes not had the chance. What I've learned is this, it's not goodbye, just I'll see you later. Know that where your friend is going, she will feel no more pain. Know that when you're missing her the most and you are on your knees not knowing if you can get back up, she will be the one pulling you up. You'll feel it honey, I promise! Out of nowhere you'll just feel yourself getting up, you'll think it's your body on autopilot, but it's not. It's her lifting you up and walking you along.

I'm sorry for what your friend, you, and the rest of your family and friends are going through, we all wish nobody had to go. You are in my prayers.

    Bookmark   March 2, 2007 at 12:17AM
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mav63_2007

I am so sorry to hear about your best friend, it is the worst thing in the world foryou watch someone you love leaving you. Enjoy every precious moment you can with her and when the time comes to say goodby you will know how, I promise. Just remember that you will be together again when the Lord Jesus wills it. Thoses of us left here have the hardest job, waiting, but we will get there and it will be wonderful. God Bless both of you and give you the courage you need to get through this.

    Bookmark   March 2, 2007 at 12:53PM
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ccoombs1

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. My DH and I spent the day at her house today building her a wheelchair ramp and making her bathroom door big enough for a wheelchair. I am also spending sunday with her so her DH can get away for a while. I will treasure every minute we have left together. She is very easy to talk to and she is fully aware of how grave her situation is. I fully intend to spend all the time I have left with her. She has been a very good friend to me and I only hope I can be the friend that she needs me to be during her last few months. I will miss her so much when she goes, but I also know that when she does pass, her suffering will be gone.

    Bookmark   March 2, 2007 at 6:49PM
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asencion

Sounds like you are doing what you should be doing. Stay close to, talk, share good memories and stories. She her how much you love her and don't forget the hugs and kisses. Just assure her that you will by her side. Good luck.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2007 at 3:03AM
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theroselvr

Sorry to hear about your friend. Cancer is one monster I know all too well.

Depending on how her husband is taking this, it may be a good chance to offer your help. Get set up with hospice. Most have a transitions stage, where someone will come and sit with her while her hubby runs errands. Once she needs full blown hospice, her foot will be in the door, and they should have the med package in the house.

2 days before my dad passed, we wrote his obituary. Sounds morbid, but while doing it, my dad shared stories with me. I was able to add everything he was involved in, and I feel he was relieved that it was done, and wasn't rushed.

With all of the time I spent with him, there was more I would have liked to say, altho he knew these things. It's a regret that I now live with.

Offer the husband help. When she's in her final days, if she wants to pass at home, perhaps you can stay there with him?

    Bookmark   March 7, 2007 at 8:36AM
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shinpad

Hi,

My only brother just passed away on March 7 at the age of 34. He had MM for 9 years but didn't die from it. I donated stem cells 3 times for him. That gave him 9 years that he wouldn't of had. His fate was met from a blood infection that took his life in 12 hours. I am having a hard time with it. He was on a trial drug of Revlimid and dexamethasone. He had lots of plasmocytoma around his spine and lungs and his last report was very good. Either reduced or no change. I am 1000 miles from him and didn't get home to talk see him one last time. I had planned on going on vacation to go visit him and wish I had the chance to so bad. Spend time with your friend give her love and support. Obviously I am still very much in the grieving process but I hope this has helped some.

    Bookmark   March 18, 2007 at 8:59PM
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kayjones

My prayers go out to you - I am so sorry for your loss.

    Bookmark   March 23, 2007 at 5:45PM
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lulie___wayne

Very good advice above for you. I'm so sorry about your friend's cancer. Please keep us posted. You are a very good friend.
Lu

    Bookmark   March 25, 2007 at 9:44PM
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ccoombs1

Thank you all so much for your kind words. Barbara lost her battle yesterday at 1:30 pm. I was there, holding her hand as she breathed her last breath. She was asleep, and her breathing just slowed down until it finally stopped. she died at home in her favorite chair with her favorite cat on her lap, just as she wanted. I will miss her terribly, but she is no longer in pain. She is free.

Shinpad, I am sorry for your loss as well. Barbara did have two stem cell transplants (with her own stemcells) and was also on many different types of chemo, including Revlimid. After her transplants, things looked very positive but it was short-lived. After 6 months, the MM was active again. After this plasmocytoma showed up, the switched to more agressive chemo and also radiation but could not slow it down. The doctor said the only drug left to try was arsnic based and it would make her very sick, so she declined further treatment. This past Friday it looked like her marrow had stopped producing red cells and she was given two transfusions. It didn't help. her DH was unable to wake her up Monday morning and called 911. She went to the hospital and the doctors told her husband that this was it. Hospice arranged to get her back home. She died the next day.

Such a sad ending for a beautiful life, but I know that she is free now so I think I am going to do OK with this. Thanks for the support.

Cindy

    Bookmark   March 28, 2007 at 10:20AM
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mav63_2007

I am so sorry that you have lost your friend but you are right, she now has no more pain and she will be there to greet you when it is your time. Friendships like you and she had are rare, cherish it in your heart forever.

Mav.

    Bookmark   March 28, 2007 at 11:05AM
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