Can't stand granddaughter

EttaDecember 9, 2001

I dont like her and never have since she was 10

she is rude and mean and cruel to her parents (her father is my son)

they let her get away with it

so there i dont speak to her and thats fine with me

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How very adult of you.

    Bookmark   December 9, 2001 at 9:42PM
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Have you ever considered trying to determine why she is mean and cruel? There is usually a reason, troublesome people are frequently people who have a lot of trouble.

Please make an effort.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2001 at 9:34AM
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At least at her age, she has an excuse for acting immaturely--may I ask what is yours?

Sorry, had to get that off my chest. Now, seriously--don't you think a child with problems NEEDS loving, caring adults in their life? in some ways even more than the perfect one? Was your son always a model child? Of course not--no child is.

As suggested above, why don't you try to find out why she's so unhappy? No one acts out like that unless there's a reason. Spend a little time with her and you may find that underneath the scared child who's at an age where her hormones are probably in a turmoil--you just may find a person you actually like and have some common interests with. By the way--I've been through menopause--how would you enjoy life if everyone close to you dropped you at that point of your life because you turned into a witch at a moment's notice? She's at the other end of the hormone spectrum, but it's no less difficult for her.

We all have problems at different stages of life. This little girl needs your love, otherwise, you're just reinforcing her obviously low self-esteem. No one said that doing the right thing is easy, but it is the proper thing to do. Good thoughts to the poor little girl.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2001 at 12:07PM
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she doesnt need to be talked to
she needs a good kick in the pants and her parents dont discpline her at all

    Bookmark   December 10, 2001 at 1:40PM
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I still say you're the grown-up and should be setting an excellant example of proper, adult behavior for BOTH her and her parents.

It's heartbreaking to see how proud you are of yourself over this. Again, my thoughts go out to this poor little girl who obviously needs to learn how to love and feel love.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2001 at 2:33PM
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A child is somewhat like a dog, treat either of them mean and cruel and you will end up with a mean or cruel product.

If the child has not been taught, have you considered telling her what your rules of behavior are in your house, treating her nicely, telling her what is unacceptable behavior and which kinds will not be tolorated?

When all this fails, talk to her parents, suggest they need family counseling, that might be a beginning for all of them.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2001 at 3:13PM
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Wow, what a message! And what kind of example are YOU setting for her? I thought all grandmothers were loving and caring and opened their arms to their grandchildren. You don't give up on them and refuse to have anything to do with them just because you don't like their personality. Maybe you could help change it by being a loving grandmother to her. If you refuse to talk to her, how is this showing love? I would give anything to be able to see my granddaughter more, but she isn't allowed at our home. She is 6 and has never been allowed to spend the night with us. I cry alot over missing out on what could be a wonderful relationship (long story). PLEASE - don't shut her out. She needs you more than you know. It's not her problem that her parents allow her to be mean and cruel. Perhaps your son and daughter-in-law don't have a good relationship either and she lives in this every day, hearing them argue, etc. Maybe they are so wraped up in their own problems that they aren't taking the time to be the parents they should be.

How do you feel about your daughter-in-law? You have a lot of resentment in your messages and I'm just wondering why? Your granddaughter is headed down a road of trouble if someone doesn't step in to help her. At 10 years old, she needs an adult in her life to teach her right from wrong and to guide her in the right direction, to make correct decisions. Why don't you be that adult person? You would be a better person for it, that is unless you have a lot of your own problems to deal with.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2001 at 7:05PM
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No child gets this way without all adults allowing them to do so. I am sorry you hate this child so much that you cannot/will not help. I do hope this girl will find a loving subsitute GM who will love her and be her friend. I would love to accept the challenge, as i have had a son who has been diffult and have some very strong will grandkids, who are are a real loving challenge. But then I have a stronger will than them

    Bookmark   December 10, 2001 at 11:30PM
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I can understand where you are coming from, Etta. I hear things like this from my MIL all the time when she's talking about my BIL and SIL's kids. BIL wants them to behave and have rules while SIL thinks they should be able to do whatever they please. SIL pretty much rules that household and so even when BIL does discipline them by sitting them on the chair or sending them to their room, SIL tells them they don't have to do it. So they get this mixed message. BIL gets in trouble for yelling at the kids even if they do something really horrible. Oh, they are 6 and 4. SIL has made is VERY obvious that she loves her daughter more and she allows her to get away with more. You try yelling at her for getting into something you have told her a number of times not to get into, and she'll stare you down and tell you that her mommy lets her. Put her on a chair she does something destructful. She's slapped people in the face and hit them when they punshied her and meanwhile her parents sit there like she did nothing wrong! Both my MIL's and FIL's make the kids listen at their house but it doesn't do any good when they go home and are allowed to do whatever. They just come back to grandma's and do it again and again and again. It's become so bad that both sets of grandparents dread it when the grandkids come over. My one MIL has told her son many many times about the kids behavior and that they need to do something and it goes in one ear and out the other. The only way to not have to deal with all this is to stay wawsy from the kids and the parents. Sad but what else can they do? Showing the kids love doesn't help if they don't get that at home, discipline doesn't work because then they just think Grammy and Pappy are horrible people for yelling at them because they broke something not that they shouldn't have been throwing a ball. What do you do at this point? We know that as the kids get older, it will only get worse and we all dread the teenage years with these two kids!

Sorry, I know a lot of you love your grandkids to death but if you see this kind of stuff and deal with it, it's different. How can you love your grandchild to death when you can't stand them? And there's nothing you can do to change their behavior?


    Bookmark   December 11, 2001 at 11:05AM
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Hang in there Etta and do what you can. It's very hard to love unlovable children. How old is your grand-daughter now?

    Bookmark   December 11, 2001 at 11:22PM
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In a perfect world, all grandchildren would be loveable, and all grandmas would be patient, loving saints. It is not a perfect world. Grandmothers are of an age where children were brought up to respect their elders, be polite, and speak when spoken to. Children who did not conform to these rules were spanked.

Times have changed - Our grandchildren are being raised in a time when spanking your children can get you thrown in jail. Discipline is nearly non-existent for many. And Grandparents are only human. We might have problems of our own, including physical problems or depression.

2 of my own grandchildren are becoming thoroughly unlikeable. They have no respect for anything or anybody, are destructive and treat their cousins awful. I don't really blame them altogether, as I realize that my daughter is the root of the problem. This is not the way I raised her, but she sets an example for them of contempt for others, including me. If she speaks of people with contempt, who is to blame the children for acting that way? I go on with my life and refuse to let it get me down. What goes around, comes around.

I can only hope that it will work out - Hating the child is not the answer. I let them know that I love them, but hate the way they behave. If things don't change, I anticipate nothing but trouble for the eldest, including jail if he doesn't change.


    Bookmark   December 26, 2001 at 11:33PM
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All I can bring to this discussion is...
Who raised your grand child's parents to have no regard to the behavior of their child?
Could it have been you??
I often see that disfunctional families are self perpetuating.
Don't complain about her bad behavior....see that her parents get some guidance.
Linda C

    Bookmark   January 2, 2002 at 12:12AM
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People who are the hardest to love are the ones who need it the most.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2002 at 7:26PM
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This is my first time on this forum and probably my last if this is the kind of people on here! I can see why you hate your granddaughter if she has your blood in her. It's not her fault and the poor child can see the hate in your eyes. There are so many people who can't be with their grandchildren because of many different reasons and suffer for it so much and then there are people like you who should never have been so blessed.

    Bookmark   January 14, 2002 at 11:32AM
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Before we all get worked up over this, I think this post is a fake. This woman "etta" has posted messages using different email addresses be forewarned. Just trying to stir up trouble? Who knows. Either that or she's a grandma with a lot of email accounts.

    Bookmark   January 16, 2002 at 7:52PM
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Hmmmm, methinks we have a troll here. She/he/it certainly knows how to push the right buttons.

    Bookmark   January 19, 2002 at 10:02AM
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I agree with Jerri. Troll. Fake post. Let it die.

    Bookmark   February 5, 2002 at 4:55AM
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