Today is March 19, 2005 my dads birthday. I just found out today that my dad died 07/06/2003 and I had no idea. So this is really a shocker. I blame myself for not being there. I do not know the circumstances of his death. He died at the age of 90. So he did live a full life and for that I am happy. But now it is a matter of dealing with the pain, grief and guilt. I feel guilty for not being there when he died or not being there for his funeral. I don't even know where he is burried so that i could go there for the closure that I need. So now all I can do is have crying fits that never stop. I cry for awhile then stop then it all starts over again. He wasn't my dad by blood but my dad by heart as he was the one that was always there for me when my own dad and mom had abandoned me. My adopted mom was his ex wife so he bacame daddy and stayed daddy all my life.