W hen will all the pain go away?

tjmondragonMarch 24, 2006

hello eveyone, its been a while since ive been here. I have been trying to cope and get back to normal, but I just dont know what normal is.I dont even know if you will remember me, but you always made me feel better.My husband passed away on july 3rd in a motorcycle accident and since that day ive been trying to pick up the pieces,but they keep falling.the holidays are so hard our daughters 1st birthday was on the 14th and that was the hardest one yet. Its just not fair. I know there is nothing i can do about it and i try so hard to be happy for them but inside I am a mess.I still wish a bus would hit me or something.Our anniversary is on the 29th, our sons birthday was in feb that one was hard to.I just wish the holidays would stop coming.And I took some advise from lulie I think I dont remember for sure but I think it was you who said to do a web sight in memory of my husband. I did it it makes me feel better to be able to do something in his honor. so thank you for the advise and if you would like to visit it it is at memory-of.com then just type in his name.( LEONARD MONDRAGON ). You guys always make me feel better so I came back to say hi and to see how you are all doing. always Tracy

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chinacat_sunflower

I don't think it does, really- we just develop new muscles, so that we can carry it.

I haven't been around in a while either - poppa's been gone since august, but mom still needs my help, and the dog pulled her off her feet last week, and my pushy bastiche of a brother had promised to take the dog when she sold the house, but didn't really want to - until he got a look at the bruise that went from her knuckles to past her wrist (thank gods one of my friends is a geriatric specialist RN who could tell me if I was doing right with the ice and the binding!)

but it's been hell...my birthday was worse than Dad's, he always made such a fuss about mine, eh?

I can't imagine what it's like trying to help two young kids through it at the same time.

*hugs*

wish I had more to offer.

    Bookmark   March 24, 2006 at 9:43AM
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loagiehoagie

I won't say I know how you feel....because nobody does...but I am in constant pain too. My momma passed Jan.30. I love her so much....I can be fine for periods of time (hours) and then a crushing wave of grief can hit me right out of the blue. I cried myself to sleep night before last.

I know what you mean about the bus hitting you. I sometimes feel like I wish I would die too. It would be alot easier than living with the pain, but I know someday I will be with my mom again...

I wish I could offer something else. You have that little baby...and I know that probably seems like a blessing, but it's not fair to have her not know her daddy.

I wish we lived near each other and you could cry on my shoulder, and I on yours.

Duane

    Bookmark   March 24, 2006 at 10:39AM
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alisande

It's early yet, Tracy. Sometimes it's so hard to make decisions, to function, that the best thing you can do is ask yourself what your husband would want you to do. One thing I'm sure of--he would want you to take care of yourself so you can take care of your children. They need you now more than ever.

Susan

    Bookmark   March 24, 2006 at 1:22PM
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socks

I checked out the memorial website. Wonderful--comorting words, good family and friend pictures. Thank you for sharing.

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I hope your children are doing ok. Hang in there.

    Bookmark   March 24, 2006 at 3:26PM
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sudiepav

I think chinacat sunflower is right. The pain is still there, but it's borne differently and in a stronger manner. That's not to say that it's easy. Particlarly when you least expect it, things just smack you in the face. You're still feeling the first sharp emptiness and pain of grief. It WILL get better, but it won't ever go away. I'm so sorry it's so painful. Hug your babies and be strong. Your're in my thoughts and prayers.

    Bookmark   March 25, 2006 at 2:04PM
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tjmondragon

thank you all for talking to me, its always comforting to know someone cares and is going thru the same thing.its so nice to hear from all of you... tracy

    Bookmark   March 25, 2006 at 3:29PM
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adoptedbyhounds

Hi Tracy,

Thanks for posting the information about your memorial to Leonard. It is so nicely done, and I am glad you posted his picture. He was a handsome young man, and he was obviously very much loved. I am so sorry for your loss.

About your deep sadness: One thing you might want to do, if you haven't already, is make an appointment with your doctor to discuss how you're feeling and how you're coping. You sound so very depressed, which isn't surprising or unreasonable at all, considering all you've been through. Also, it's spring, with summer and the terrible first anniversary of Leonard's death. Somewhere in your mind, I am sure that thought is lurking, and adding to your pain.

If you're not being medically treated for depression, now might be a good time to discuss options with your doctor. Newer medications can make such a difference in the quality of life for persons plunged into depression. When they feel better, their families feel better. Remember it's a personal decision and nobody's business but yours. I don't know how many "supports" you have near you, but there's nothing wrong with seeking professional help. Please seek the company of people who care about you, and accept that it's OK to grieve. But it's also OK to ask for help. Best wishes "Nikoleta"

    Bookmark   March 25, 2006 at 7:58PM
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lmb_ckb

Hello Tracy,
Your husbands memorial is nice and says a lot about the family man he was. Your husband and my 23 year old son left this earth in the same way--both on a motorcycle. Something that was in their blood. Please allow people who have been there before you to help you. They are a blessing to me. Find a group session in your area of town. Know that "this too shall pass " ! YOur little ones will be survivers of the strongest because of your will and their fathers encouragement from above . I have come to realize that there is a greater presence over us all. May your days be blessed with strength and comfort.
Lauren.....Darren's mom May 30,1982-Dec. 6 2005

    Bookmark   March 31, 2006 at 12:23AM
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lulie___wayne

Tracy, the memorial site is so nice. Thank you so much for sharing it. I'm glad I suggested that to you if it has helped you in any way. To us, it was one of many things we felt we wanted to do and it has been helpful to us with our grief. I think we all want our loved ones remembered.
I'm so glad that you touched base with us again. Your continued pain over your tremendous loss is understandable.
I know that with the anniversary coming up in a few months, you are probably feeling the loss even more acutely. I start feeling it weeks before. I have a few days now, as Christin's anniversary is April 5.
Thanks for checking in with us and keep in touch.
May God continue to bless you and give you strength to carry on for your children as well as yourself.
Lu

    Bookmark   April 1, 2006 at 9:19AM
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