Another no contact post
Rather than go into embarrassing details, suffice it to say, we are not permitted contact with the grandchildren through no fault of our own. We do live out of their area(s), send gifts that are appropriate and thoughtfully chosen for special occasions, stay neutral on parenting issues, and try to always be amicable. A month ago I received a phone call to give me the Christmas wish lists for several of the children, which I appreciated. Spent money we didn't have, but wanted Christmas to be special for the kids, who have had some rough knocks in life (again not through any fault of the grandparents). Now the mother is in an abusive tirade (once again). Not one grandchild (out of 18) called to wish us Merry Christmas. They just open the gifts and enjoy their loot these days? Or maybe the hand written gift tags are not used, with the gifting being re-directed. Who knows. When I traveled well over 1000 miles and contacted them to ask if I could see the children recently (I attempt this a couple of times a year), I was told they don't care to see me. Really? What did we ever do to these children, when we weren't there to raise them, didn't have them on weekends or school breaks? How is it that some parents blame the grandparents for screwing up grandchildren that the grandparents didn't even raise?! We really have done our best as parents and grandparents; but as we were not the ones on site raising these children, we had no say in their lack of kindness or thought for others' feelings. We aren't the ones who had opportunity to instill any manners, like grandparents' happiness to receive a simple 'thank-you' for a gift, either verbally by phone, or a short note. No acknowledgement the requested gifts were even received. We are bewildered, and heartsick, because, without being inappropirately religious on a public board, we give Christmas gifts in tribute to the original Three Wise Men's gifts to the Baby Jesus. So, once given, the gifts are out of our hands, gifts, as they are called. These days Christmas gift recipients seem to think they are entitled to receive not only gifts, but exactly the ones of their choosing.
Are we wrong to be thinking that in the future we may only send small tokens of love, primarily cards with hand-written notes, which I'll copy, for the day, if it ever comes, to share our mailings with any of them who cares to ever look us up? Why go through all the work and expense (money many of us don't have), the energy (many of us in poor health don't have), and then the disappointment that the recipients don't have a clue that Christmas isn't all about 'me, or her, or him'? We are thinking of just backing off, going about our lives, and loving from a distance. As out of state grandparents, we have no rights, and if a grandparent's health isn't such that the grandparent can't relocate and foster their own grandchildren (seven of the eighteen), if the state intervenes in a less-than-satisfactory home, there seems to no longer be any point in constantly beating ourselves up over this horrid situation. I know I am rambling, but it's feeling like enough is enough here.
Anybody else dealing with grandchild products of ineffective parenting?