When will the pain stop?

christin22March 26, 2007

My mother past away 1yr 1/2 ago..and it still feels like it was yesterday. I found out when I was 17 that my mother had cancer. At that age it was alot to take in..especially just after my bestfriend tried to kill herself and my grandfather had just died. Thankfully we had almost three more years with her before the cancer took her life. She passed away when I was 20 on Oct. 1st of 2005, even though we knew what was going to happen I was never really ready and never got the chance to say the things I wanted to say. It wasn't easy for me after she died I went threw depression, lost my job, etc. We were really close and it felt like I lost my bestfriend. Now at the age of 22 I still find myself crying often and am sometimes depressed. Not many people realize it because I'm not the type of person that expresses my feelings to others. I don't know if it is normal to still feel this bad or if I haven't come to grips with something at this age. I'm sure this is perfectly normal but I just wanted some input. I dont want to feel like this anymore!

When will this pain stop?

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You lost your mother at a very hard time for you. You are at a very emotional age and even the stress of daily life can seem like a challenge. But your mother and grandfather would want you to go on with your life. To be happy and appreciate every minute you had with them, but not to live in the past.

You'll always miss your mother and that's OK because you should. My mother passed away just a few weeks ago but my father died 27 years ago and I still miss him. Still cry about him sometimes too.

You say you never got the chance to say the things you wanted to say, even though you had 3 years. That might be part of why it's still so fresh and painful for you. Try this: write her a letter and say everything you always wanted to say. Pour it out.

And after this first letter, write to her and tell her how you are doing. Tell her about your life, your job, your friends and your loves. She's your mom and will want to hear it all.
Buy a pretty box and put all the letters there. She is still with you and this is a way you can share things with her.


    Bookmark   March 26, 2007 at 4:40PM
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Good advice from Kate.

Its never easy to loose your Mum, its just not fair, is it ?

It will get easier as time goes on, you will find that you will be able to think about her and not fall into a overwhelming sadness. You will find that you think about the good things in your life with her, the funny things she did, the way she conducted herself, what she wore. You will know how she thought about things, about challenges that you are facing now.

Remember that a part of her lives on in you, and that is really special and something you should be proud of. She will always be with you in your life. If you have children one day, you will be even closer to your mum, because all that you do with them, will be drawn on what she did with you.

You say you should have said things to her before she died, well dont dwell on that. You did your best under very difficult circumstances, and your mum knows that.

I think we all regret that we should have said things to our loved ones before they died, but we can't do anything about that when they are gone, can we ?

But you know what you can do about it now ? You can learn from that and make sure that you say the really important things to your loved ones that are still with you. Make yourself a more loving person who says things from your heart to all the important people in your life.

I wish you all the best, things will get easier for you.


    Bookmark   April 22, 2007 at 9:28PM
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My cousin ( he was a father to me) passed away 8 months ago... I am not an emotional person but since I lost him I can't stop crying .. I miss him so much I know I will never get him back .. He died of colons cancer that is why I want to become oncologist... It so hard to cope and accept it death.. I cannot deal with this anymore I wish I could lose my memory and forget about him ... I'd give or do anything to have him back

    Bookmark   March 22, 2011 at 5:47PM
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I lost my mom on 8,7,2011. She was a big part of my life. She had a stroke and was paralyzed on one side. I lived with and took care of her for 12years years. I miss her every day and alyays will. She was not just a mom but my only friend. I don't think the pain will ever go away fully. I have sympathy for you. Her death came sudden and unexpected. The last the thing she said to me was I love you. That alone has helped me.

    Bookmark   September 8, 2011 at 2:49PM
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Hi everyone

I am new new here, but I realize I had to find some outlet otherwise I would go crazy.

Emmanuella, I can relate to your pain, losing your cousin. lost my cousin last year (Oct.20th) to colon cancer (sigh) she was only 48. Janice was like my "other" mother, she was the oldest of the cousins and I was the youngest so she basically looked after me kinda special. With her first year anniversary coming up I am going out of my mind and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel as though NO ONE around me really fully understands what I am going through because everyone keeps saying "she was JUST your cousin" and nothing infuriates me more than to hear people diminish what she really meant to me.

She was a really big part of life and now there is stuff that I am going through that I always used to share with her and I can't, at least not physically. I talk to her a lot in my head, and her parents gave me her ashed because they knew how much it meant to me. I too sometimes have to wonder "when will the pain stop" and "when will I ever feel normal again when ever I think of her or hear hear her name"

    Bookmark   October 11, 2011 at 2:41PM
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Emmanuella, I too feel your pain. I lost my cousin on October 7, and I think I cried daily since. We were very close when we were kids, more like sisters. We grew up and went our own ways but a few years ago we joined hearts once again. I so miss her.

    Bookmark   October 12, 2011 at 2:00PM
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