Hello~Hello~Hello~Is There Anybody Grandparents Out There~??

livnnlrninDecember 13, 2006

Hello to all.

I've never posted here before. I just recently ran across this forum searching for a message board for "Grandparents raising grandchildren"

My name is Cindy. I am 46 years old. I live in Salina, Kansas.

I became a "Grandma" in 2/2002. By 4/2003 I had became grandma/mommy (when my son and DIL split up and him and my grand daughter came to live with me). They moved here, which is 4 1/2 hours away from my DIL. She was/is ok with this!

She has made a rule to come and see her daughter on an average of every 5 weeks for the last 4 years. She usually comes on a friday evening, and leaves early afternoon on sunday.

I will never understand how my ex DIL can handle being away from her daughter. She seems to be very good to her when she comes to see her, and my grand daughter looks forward to spending the time with her Mommy.

My grand daughter in now almost 5 years old and I can tell by little comments she makes that she is beginning to wonder about why her Mommy isn't here like other Mommies? She see's the kids at preschool with their "Mommies"!

She has recently starting calling me "Mom", never Mommy, (as her "real mommy" has always been Mommy).

I am confused on what exactly to say to her when she questions me about it???

Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

Thank you,

Cindy

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brass_tacks

Cindy,
That is a heartbreaker. I would think that your grand daughter needs to have a talk with her daddy soon. I guess your instinct would be to hold her and give her comfort and let her know that you love her very much. It must be confusing to a young child that the person that is suppose to love them isn't there for them.

    Bookmark   December 13, 2006 at 7:28PM
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ian_bc_north

I have a daughter who is a single parent. She is finding it to be a real struggle.

Maybe your DIL has got the message that being a single custodial parent is not a good option for either your granddaughter or herself.

Your posting suggests that your DIL is involved as a visiting parent and that her relationship with yourself is reasonably civil given circumstances. Considering what I hear about couples who have split up, I would be thankful for small mercies.

As to what to tell your granddaughter. I would tell her that her mommy loves her very much but that mommy cannot provide a good home and that you can.

I think that it would be helpful to see if you can get/keep a good relationship as possible with your DIL. After all you are likely to be involved with her for a long time to come. You might have to work hard at being non-judgmental. If your son objects, tell him that it is for the sake of granddaughter.

Ian

    Bookmark   December 14, 2006 at 12:32AM
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brass_tacks

Cindy,
Ian made some good points. I would like to add that when your grand starts school, she will realize probably by the second or third grade that there are lots of other kids just like herself, or in similiar kinds of families.

It's unclear to me which parent is the custodial parent. At any rate, it is altogehter possible that some day things will change. In the meantime, please teach your grand manners and respect for others. If you will go into the stepparent forum you will read many posts about step kids and how they were ruined by their biological parents and later on hated by their step-parents. It's not a happy forum.

Best to you

    Bookmark   December 14, 2006 at 3:45AM
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kg44

I'm here! This is my first post to these forums. I have to say I really admire you raising your granddaughter, I'm not sure I could do it, although I would if I had to. I have a 7-year-old "adopted" granddaughter (a friend's child, she is like my granddaughter) and a 2-year-old grandson.

I am one of those stepmothers who spent the last 11 years raising stepchildren, only to be turned on when the "real" mother came back into the picture. I'm still trying to figure out how that worked!

Karen

    Bookmark   December 28, 2006 at 4:55PM
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