MIL not talking to us...I feel bad for son (long)
As a child I was in the same place my son is....my mother and grandparents didn't get along so for about 2-3 years my brother and I had no contact with my dad's parents. The day we got back with them was so emotional and it was actually my mother who called them because my parents were going through a divorce. I've also seen my other grandmother go for years without talking to her one daughter and three granddaughters and it was a hard and emotional time. You can't get the time back and it hurts.
Now we're having problems with MIL. She decided she wanted nothing to do with me after assuming and flipping out over something that she didn't know everything about. I thought I got along quite well with my MIL and we seemed close until this point. It all seems very petty and I'm sure others will wonder what all else happened but really in all honesty she decided she hated me all because I was trying to contact our ex-SIL. MIL hated this woman but it was mostly because she never gave her a fair chance. I knew her for a short period of time but my fiance' and I lived in their basement and did a lot with them...I also worked with this woman. We've had no contact with her for about 3 years (since the divorce) and this past summer her daughter's contacted us about getting together. I asked the one daughter via e-mail to tell her mother that I would love to speak with her again and know how she is. Well, the e-mail addy I had was at the girl's dad's house (she lives with her mother and the other recently moved in with her father). The step mother goes over the girl's mail and does with it whatever and for some reason thought the e-mail about me wanting to contact the ex-SIL was worth forwarding to my MIL. So MIL got nasty. She thinks I want to "compare notes" and "cause problems". Then she went on a rampage and contacted all the other BIL's and SIL's trying to destroy my reputation with them by saying I said things about them that I never said. I'm supposely VERY jealous of my neieces and nephews...especially the baby and yet I've called to check on SIL while she was pregnant, went to the hospital to see my nephew and call and visit frequently so I can have a relationship with this child and know him. So MIL tried to tell everyone I was mad and causing problems because I found out MIL makes fun of my clothing (I'm 22 and wear things people my age would wear...nothing too revealing though because I'm also a Mom). So MIL said she wanted nothing to do with me and left it up to my fiance' if he wanted to keep a relationship with his mother. He was just as angry as I was about the whole thing and he's fed up with her. She's always got her nose in our business and knows things she shouldn't without us even telling her (like how much we make and how much all our bills are and she even goes as far as checking stores to see things you bought to see what you paid for them then she tells others that you can't afford this or that or that you could not have paid bills, etc). She's also always causing controversy by being your friend to your face to get info she can use against you or she'll say things about the others and tell them you said it so that none of the SIL's get along really. MIL also has a habit of calling her son's, DIL's and grandchildren names and putting them down. She's a pretty controlling person and I think that's why she's mad at me...she wasn't in control of me. So anyway...it's almost 3 months later and we're still not talking.
I'm worried because DS (3 1/2) is upset about not seeing or hearing from his grandparents. I would call down there so he could talk to her but there have been times that she wasn't talking to another of her sons and his family and she got angry when the "kids" called her. She said that their mother was just trying to make her feel bad and con her into getting along with them again or was using her for a baby sitter because the kids said they wanted to come visit. DS also gets upset because when we drive past their house (they live off a main road we have to take to get home) and often the other grandkids and son's and DIL's are there visiting....even those who didn't go there at all before. Also, when we see my one SIL and the kids at my fiance's Dad and step Mom's house, she comments (more like brags really) about how Grandma watched the kids overnight or took them shopping or to dinner or had them over for dinner, etc. MIL never did this stuff before. I'm hurting about this because of my son and how he reacts and the things he says to us. The other complicated thing in all this is that I'm almost 3 months pregnant (ironically they figured my conception date was the day MIL quit talking to us!). MIL knows I'm pregnant because my fiance' told his step father while they were hunting. My one SIL said she mentions nothing about me being pregnant and hasn't asked at all about me or the baby and I had complications in the past. We've also run into other family members that didn't have a clue because they aren't telling anyone...like it's a big secret or something. I'm worried that she's not going to have anything to do with this baby or she'll show up at the hospital on the day I have him/her (if it's a girl she won't like her much anyway because she tells us how much she dislikes little girls) and cause a scene. I keep telling myself it's her loss but I think of my kids and I know how it felt to not see my grandparents and how it hurt them. This woman doesn't seem to be hurt at all, though. She has no problems writing her kids out of her life and has done it two others at different times but the one son has never really been able to repair all the damage.
Anyone been on my side or the other side and how did it effect you? I would repair it if I could but MIL holds grudges and my fiance' feels we are owed an apology not the other way around because we did nothing wrong. His mother isn't one to apologize...she just pretends like nothing happened and you don't talk about it. I guess I just really need to vent a little. Thanks for letting me do so...