Four years ago....

loagiehoagieFebruary 2, 2010 mama was buried. I can't believe it has been four years. My mom was blind the last 15 year of her life and I am glad she got to see her mom/dad/brothers and friends that passed over before her....but goshdarn it....I sure miss talking with her. Sometimes I can't stand the fact she is gone and I am here in this world. It seems like a bad dream that she is gone. I sometimes think my best time ahead is when I die and can see her again. I can't help but think like that. I'm not suicidal....I think God decides when we check out....but I find little joy in this life since my best mama...has entered the afterlife. Does anyone else think like this? I'm really in a sad state. It seems like I am living a nightmare that has no end. Day by day by day.....

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i'm so sorry for your loss and sorry to know you are having such a hard time.

i lost my husband just a little over 2 years ago and absolutely yes, i have those same feelings. like you, the thought of joining him is what i live for but i'm not ready to go yet. i have a son being married in october, still have lots of life to live although i live it in a constant state of loneliness. we were a team, he will always be my one and only soul mate.

i just recently (about 5 weeks ago) finally started taking an antidepressant. i can't begin to tell you how much it has helped...wish i had done it sooner. i just could not see how a little pill could possibly make my world better but it truly does take the edge off. i find i am not an anxious these days, i am able to concentrate better, see the good in the little things in life.

you might think about talking to your doctor, see if this might be a possibility for you.

again, i'm sorry for your loss.

nina :)

    Bookmark   February 3, 2010 at 4:16PM
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dukerdawg, this doesn't sound like you, & anti-depressants take time to show effect;

please go outside & do something physical, something aerobic to get your heart pumping & to get those synapses firing better-
chop wood, haul kids around on sleds, do some kind of heavy exercise.

Take care.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2010 at 5:39PM
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I'm sorry you are suffering the loss of your mother. I don't think 4 years is really so long when you consider how close you were to your dear mother. I think it's normal to still feel some sadness, sense of loss.

I still miss my mother terribly, and sometimes wonder what she would say about this or that family event. But her memory, voice, appearance are still fresh in my mind. I keep her close in my heart.

If only I had some words of comfort, of inspiration for you. Please take care of yourself and try to remember the good happy times with your mom.


    Bookmark   February 19, 2010 at 11:19AM
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I guess my big problem....well one of them my mom, my best friend and most special person in the world passed away....and guess what? The world keeps keeping on like nothing happened. I'm sure I'm not the only one to feel like this. My MIL said that the world doesn't stop because of my persons' personal tragedy...and I guess she is right about that. But it kind of questions our impact in this world. If I died today...a few close friends and family members would be upset...but still get up and go to work tomorrow...out to the bar on saturday.....schedule their parties and weddings etc. It makes me wonder...what the hell? What does anything matter really? I just find it hard that my mama was so close to me and the most special person in my life...but even my wife didn't grieve....I guess I'm rambling....but it kind of makes me think not a damn thing really what is the purpose of anything????

    Bookmark   February 25, 2010 at 9:39PM
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