My daughter's emotionally blackmailing me, with my grandbabies.
My daughter, age 29 and I have had an unusually close relationship, since her father died when she was only 5 years old. She and I are very emotional women, who have loved each other, probably too much, for her entire life and now that she's married, with two daughters - 30 months and 6 months,- she has been emotionally blackmailing me. If I don't do exactly what she wants or if I suggest anything having to do with the babies - actually if I give any advice at all - she gets worked up, storms out, with the children in tow, making threats that I will my never see them again.
A few days ago we had an absolute blowout about (of all things,) Santa Claus. Christmas has always been an extremely special holiday for me and my whole family - my daughter included. We are Christian and have always managed to separate the secular aspects of Christmas, with the religious. Ever since she started pulling the manipulations, I have done everything, in my power, to keep my opinions to myself. She is a good mother, which I tell her often, but what happened the other day was more than I could handle.
I was telling Mandy all about Santa Claus, since she is at the perfect age to begin understanding the concept and, in fact , was enthralled by Santa and the elves etc. My daughter says "I am not going to have my daughter believe there is a Santa Claus, because I intend to 'never' lie to my children about anything." This was to extend to Mickey Mouse et al. I was shocked. Her second reason was she wanted her children to appreciate the gifts from the person who gave them. To make a long fight as short as possible, I said that I couldn't believe that she could take away her own daughter's innocence and fantasies for such a misguided reason. That Mandy, no matter what my daughter has decided to believe, like all children, will not resent her parents for telling her there was a Santa Claus. She certainly could wait until she was old enough to come right out ask her, if Santa was real. I was appalled that she thought nothing of taking away this most wonderful time in a child's life - reality would take it all away soon enough -
Needless to say, for the first time in 29 years we will not be spending Christmas together and I will never see the joy on my beautiful granddaughters face, when she wakes up Christmas morning - it was to have been my first experience, as she is my first grandchild. According to her I am too controlling and she can raise her children any way she wants to - they're not mine. It's her husband talking, but, the end result is the same. I can't express the pain this is causing. I have MS and depression is one of the little extras that make the disease so terrible. So, of course, that has kicked in double time. This is absolutely unbearable. Am I wrong? I have always given in to her in the past and have been there for her, both emotionally and financially- forever.
I should mention that, I believe, that part of this controlling allegation is the fact that on three separate occasions, she and her husband made very very bad choices (home buying, pet buying and jobs) they I tried to tell them they should not undertake - because of the obvious poor outcome. In each case, my prophecy came to fruition and she has resented any advice ever since,
Help me get through this Holiday, please