Child Custody Case

caringfianceNovember 12, 2002

Is there any justice at all?? My fiance's ex-wife had given their 2 children to her mother before their divorce was final. The maternal grandmother left the state of Colorado and moved to Kentucky without notifying my fiance or the state. My fiance was ordered to pay $250 a month for the 2 kids. When paying his ex-wife in cash, she would not allow him to see the children. He made several contacts with her siblings and they also would not let him know where the kids were. After years of trying to get the state to help him, and attourneys that he could never afford to pay, he lost all hope of ever finding them. My fiance was a loyal loving father to his kids, his ex-wife was a promiscuous drug abuser with a history of violence. Yet she was given custody of these children! She then abandoned them on her mother's doorstep. Only to spite my fiance, because he did not want anything to do with her and her substance abuse problems. He tried to get her help, but she just wouldn't quit the drinking & drugs. That problem stemmed from years of sexual abuse from her own father, which her mother knew about. Her other siblings were also raped by their father which only stopped when he decided he'd had enough of his kids and started affairs outside of the marriage. That was when the maternal grandmother filed for divorce. Now these children, are living in Kentucky with their maternal grandmother whom was aware of all this insest. It sickens me to know that the oldest child is sleeping in the same bed with her. A year ago, my fiance's father was served with child support papers at his home in Arizona, where my fiance moved when he could not find his kids and started a business with his father. These papers were from Kentucky! He had thought all along that they were in Colorado. Fast forward 1 fiance and I established a relationship with the children. Flew them out here several times for visits. But the courts awarded the grandmother full custody, over their biological father. My fiance and I do not have drug or drinking problems. We both do not have a history of violence. But the state awards her the children that are now 11 & 12. They come home from school, they are allowed to see movies with sexual content, they also see their mother on a regular basis, even though she was arrested for beating down the door at her mother's home demanding the kids be back with her and threatened to "slit their throats" while they slept. And we are the bad guys???? After a year of flying to and from Kentucky for the custody hearing and paying a lawyer $25,000 (still owing).....the grandmother won custody. Where is the justice for my fiance? He had his children taken from him twice for no reason. He always provided for them, and gave them a loving home. Now we have to pay $1250.00 a month in child support to a KIDNAPPER, because he makes he makes $75,000 a year. The state of Kentucky does not take into consideration the higher cost of living in California.....they just don't care. We do not own a house, and we drive a 12 year old car about ready to fall apart. If the state of Kentucky could get away with us living in a cardboard box, they'd do it! I just don't understand! I thought if you went to court and told the truth, that there would be justice. I feel like I've lost my faith in everything. Please if you have any advice, I feel I'm at the end of my rope...... Thank you for listening

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You'd have a better chance of gaining custody of these children if you and your fiance get married and provide a stable home. The second factor to consider: if the kids are 11 and 12, they may opt to come and live with their Dad very soon. There's more to this story than meets the eye, obviously, than from what was in your description. The other thing I wanted to mention: these are his children -- he's the one who will have to fight for them and for their safety. You can't do this for him. But you can certainly be loving and supportive, and it sounds as if you already have been to the best of your ability. Good luck, and God bless. If your fiance feels that he can truly provide the best home for the kids, the Courts WILL listen to him. I know of a young father who just got full custody of his little boy. Substance abuse by the mother was also the issue. So, it does happen.

Here is a link that might be useful: Welcome to Gram's Pantry

    Bookmark   November 13, 2002 at 7:15AM
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Contact the state attorney general, or the attorney general in Orange County. Yes I agree, if you were married it might be easier, but before you do so, make sure yours assets are in bank accounts without his name. If he is paying child support, pay it to the court trustee only, and request an accounting of any and all money spent. There are lawyers specializing in these matters and it is not hard to find one in your area. Find out what the legal age is for a child to make there own decesions. It is around 12 or 14 and they can go to court to determine where they want to live. Do the children want to live with there father. Is the grandma on welfare etc. Document everything said, done, etc. I wish you the best.

    Bookmark   November 13, 2002 at 1:12PM
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