a question for grandmoms
I have a question for grandmothers out there.
I am taking my daughter out of my mother's care. Mom retired this past Summer and started watching my 5 year old daughter full time. At the same time, my sister, who is working on her fourth child, asked my mom to watch her two kids (older) as well. They are 11 and 10 and angry, rude children, treat my mom like heck, and treat my 5 year old even worse.
Anyway I had to do something, so I am putting my daughter back into daycare where she is safe.
My mom drinks daily, has been drunk many times around my daughter, and claims that she has to drink because of my sister's kids. Just this morning my sister (who is 32) emailed me and apologized profusely for her kids acting the way they do, treating my daughter so badly (beating on her and calling her the B word) and that she would "try to help".
Mom tearfully asked why I'd take my daughter away from her. I told her the truth. I told her, you drink too much, you should be enjoying your retirement, not watching all the grandkids like this. I thought you'd enjoy your time with my daughter but with sis's kids fighting with her and with you and causing so much trouble, something has to give. So my DD will be going to daycare as of next week.
Well, my mom is crushed. Crying, upset, etc. Apparently, she says my daughter keeps her sane.. is the "Sweet one" of the bunch.
In the past few months since my 5 yr old has been around Mimi full time (and sister's kids, who she never really was around before for OBVIOUS reasons... they are hellions), my daughter has been called several very bad words (even by my own mother, who drinks so much), has learned what a boy's "pee pee" looks like because the 11 y.o. runs around naked in front of her, and has learned so much anger. It is sad and disheartening.
I don't want to upset my mother, who has enough problems with her blood pressure and drinking. But for my kid's safety (I have explained this to her), I have to remove my child from her care.
I told mom, it is better for everyone. But she is truly crushed.
If your grown child removed your grandchild from YOUR care, how would you feel?
My DD will only see Mimi once a month (how it used to be). I just don't visit my mom. We live in the same city, etc., talk on the phone alot, but I don't go to her house because sister's kids are almost always there OR because my parents are fighting, or worse, My mom is drunk.
I don't want mom to hurt, but my main obligation is to MY daughter. I feel I may be ruining mom's Christmas but it looks like everything else has ruined this Christmas anyway.