missing first grandson

sihasapaNovember 28, 2007

my grandson is 3 months old. my daughter announced she was getting married, but not to her fiance of 4 yrs., but to a fellow she met 2 weeks prior, and also that she was having a baby. although shocked,we paid for the wedding, catered the reception and started finishing remodeling a place for them on our property.my new son-in-law showed no interset in helping my husband and i.they ended up moving in a trailer near his parents where they pay $500 a month for.to make a long story short, the baby was born, beautiful boy! videoed the birth. we gave them $ 700 when they came home to help out. later we bought a washer/dryer set they were to pay us back for this one though. my daughter arrives one morning with the baby, we were happy to see him as we don't very often. but she was here to borrow $500 to pay the rent.

i told her ok, but this would have to be paid when her husband got paid. she became defensive,said i was bad mouthing her husband and took the baby home. didn't see him for 2 wks.any way, a week later, our son whom we are practicing tough love with was in trouble again and we said no. she calls, tells me i'm a sorry person for saying no, and she does not want to speak to me again.we haven,t. it's been a month now. thanksgiving came and went, i am afraid christmas will too without getting to see my grandson which we both love very much. thanks to anyone who takes the time to read and maybe offer some advice. this is my first time to post.

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Hi, the first question that comes to my mind is have you rescued your daughter in the past? Was she raised to be held accountable for her choices and actions? I don't want to sound cruel because obviously you are feeling pain but it sounds to me like you have become accustomed (and her, too) to rescuing her. It doesn't sound like she has had to work through the consequences of her decisions. Remodeling a house on your property? Wow. I don't know how old she is but the emotional blackmail she is using now is probably your most painful to date. This is very difficult to correct at this point in her life especially now that she has a child. I have a brother who has been propping his daughter up for 50 years. Oh, and her child. He was practically raised by my brother and his wife. He got to go to Europe but now barely speaks to them. The daughter EXPECTS and doesn't appreciate or respect. If I was in this circumstance, I would find a good councilor. I think the support and guidance to help you set limits would be extremely beneficial. Otherwise, I think you are in for a lifetime of being used. And your daughter will use her child to get you to respond.

    Bookmark   December 13, 2007 at 7:29AM
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Linda Giorgi

lupineloon - I have to agree with you. I did everything for my first two daughters. I baby sat all the time. But I loved it. And they knew it. When they were sick I would rush over from school and watch the kids. I would buy my grand kids anything they wanted. We had fun the kids and I, and my husband. We are young grandpartents. I felt I was the luckiest woman in the world. I thought we had such a close family. When one asked for 10,000 and I said no, I can't the both daughters joined together and I haven't seen my Grandkids in 8 months. We called and were told they had issues with us. We never told them no until this. I was shocked my older daughter turned on us for this. They didn't even show up for their baby sisters wedding. That one really hurt. I will never understand. I thought I was the best grandmother, (I know I was) my daughters were selfish to hurt my grandkids like this. What is in their head? I think it boils down to some type of jealousy. I guess I did something raising them. I guess we will never understand. Five minutes does not go by that I don't think and feel like crying when I think of my Grandkids. Here I go again, ....rambling. Stick to your guns and say no. Unless Mu grandkids are not eating or are hurt I will not be blackmaled anymore.

    Bookmark   January 5, 2008 at 9:55AM
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