Thoughts about jealousy of the other grandparent(s)
As I mentioned in my other "thoughts on" post, I am a new grandparent of two (14 months and 21 months) and have been learning things the hard way. I've read for hours on this forum, and have received SO much help here! Many thanks to all who have posted their wisdom.
So, when I did some musing and writing about a couple of issues, I thought I would share here in case this might be able to help anyone out, the way I've been helped out here--especially with the holidays coming up.
It's Not a Marriage, It's a Village
I've been thinking about jealousy between grandparents and wanted to put down some thoughts about it -- sort of thinking out loud so I'll learn something.
I'm jealous of my ex husband's wife, especially since she lives close to my grandson and I live far away. (And she is sweet, and fun--stiff competition.) My husband is jealous of the step-grandfather on the in-laws side for our grand daughter, (we live *really* far away from our grand daughter, and he lives locally to her) even though he's one of the most amazing people we've ever met.
Why the jealousy? Is it because these babies are so charming, so beautiful, so full of love, that we are in love with each of them and somewhere in our reptilian minds we think that when you're in love, it should be monogamous? (Note to reptilian mind: we are in love with TWO babies this way. Do you see the flawed logic here???)
Well, time to have a chat with the reptile mind. Children are so big hearted, there is plenty of love to go around to all the grandparents, even when through divorce, remarriage, and great-grands still alive, kids have lots of grandparents. And who could wish for less for them?
On the Baby Signing Time tape, there is a song about grandparents, and the refrain is "I've got many many people who love me!" Joy that these children have so many people who love them should be my only emotion when I think of the village of caring adults that surrounds each of them. Joy, gratitude, generosity. What a better way to treat myself than to fill my mind with stinginess, competition, fear of not being the favorite.
Just before Halloween, while visiting our grand daughter, we went to a pumpkin patch with as many grands as we could muster: Six loving adults and one happy toddler. We shared her just fine. It truly takes a village to raise a child, and I am very thankful to be part of that village.