Should I be worried about father?
Mom died of cancer. My 85-year-old father was her primary caregiver for the year she was sick. They were married a very long time.
Within months, dad became involved with the woman who cleaned their house every other week for the last few years and has essentially given her and her adult children hundreds of thousands of dollars in financial aid. In exchange, his name is included on the deed to her house.
Dad has been keeping the relationship and financial aid a secret from his entire family. About a month ago, I pieced a few things together and asked him. He says it is "almost as if mom told her [the housekeeper] to look after me" and mom "would have wanted me to help her" financially [she told him she was about to loose her house]. He also mentioned he is thinking about marrying her because, "she knows what I'm like" [the housekeeper chatted a lot with mom, who liked to talk], "has done my laundry for years" and "so we can be together."
After that one conversation with him, dad doesn't want to talk about the relationship and never brings up this women's name. I've suggested we all get together, but he seems to want to keep the families apart. I've told him I support his having a relationship and eventually remarrying--that I want him to be happy--but that I worry this is a vulnerable time for him.
Dad is sharp, active and works part time because he enjoys it. He is financially well off. I'm worried that his grief has made him vulnerable and this person is taking advantage.
I understand the adage, women grieve and men replace, but something doesn't seem right to me.
Should I be worried or should I back off because it is his life?