When does it STOP??

jazzieFebruary 3, 2008

My Mother died one day after Thanksgiving.. I now HATE the holidays with a passion beyond repair..

Every time I think of my Mother, it RIPS me apart. Music is so hard, I just wind up turning off the radio to have my thoughts torture me..... And the dreams.. When do they STOP.. The dreams of my Mother's death.. The startling awake because I have nightmares that my Mother is dead, just to remember that the nightmare is REAL..

I want to scream and rage against the world. Instead I sob and sob and cry...

My house is a mess, and I don't cook anymore.. I find no joy in anything. I feel like an puppet pretending to the world that I am okay.. Being what I think people expect me to be.. The person before my Mothers death.. Not what I am now.. The person after my Mother's death. They are two different people...

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Please keep in mind what your Mother would want for you. My Mother died unexpectedly this past November - Some days are worse than others. Yesterday I tortured myself because all I could think about was all the times I took her for granted - Or how much more I should have done for her. But we know our Mothers would not want us to do this to ourselves and they know how much we love them. I believe my Mom is heaven and hears what I am saying to her now. I read the book, "Hello from Heaven" - it did make me feel much better. And validated some things that have happened - that I now realize our "signs" and visits from my Mom. I know she is in a great place.
I think our job now is to be the best person we can until it is our time to be reunited in heaven.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2008 at 6:59AM
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Jazzie, thanks for your reply on my letter to mom thread. That was very nice of you. I know exactly how you feel, or I think I do. Especially the part of nothing bringing joy anymore. I read the paper and they go on and on about the Super Bowl. Who cares? My mom is dead. My MIL summed it up pretty well last year. The world doesn't stop for one persons personal tragedy. I guess that is true. And I have screamed at the heavens and sobbed and cursed God for making this world so full of love, but the flip side is the pain when our loved ones are taken from us.

Marion is also correct in that some days are better than others. I also read Hello from Heaven, and it helped a bit. Two others that were quite a comfort to me was "Lessons from the Light' by George Anderson. He explains that when we die we go 'home'. The place where we came from and it is a wonderful place full of light and joy. Another great book is called "Forever Ours" and it chronicles near death experiences and different signs. Short stories. Several are very touching.

I don't prescribe to any particular religion. I consider myself a Christian but don't believe you go to hell if you don't believe in a certain doctrine.

There is more to this life than we know. Hang in there Jazz. There are a lot of people feeling like you do, and it helps to talk things out.

Take care,


    Bookmark   February 3, 2008 at 8:39AM
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volunteer this year around the holidays

    Bookmark   February 3, 2008 at 1:34PM
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jazzie, may I suggest that you join a grief therapy group. There are stages of grief, and we all go through them in our own way and time. It really helps to talk to others that understand how you feel, and won't try to tell you to "buck up" and move on, like this is some blip in your life. I always tell people it stops when it's not the first thing you think of in the morning, or the last thing you think of at night. I am so sorry for your loss.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2008 at 5:31AM
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Oh, my friend - there are several of us, on this wonderful forum, who can relate to your feelings! 'When does it stop' is on the lips of all of us. I think it might get easier, but I don't think it ever 'stops'. We just have to ease our pain by leaning on our family and friends.

    Bookmark   February 15, 2008 at 4:55PM
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Find a grief support group ASAP. You are allowing grief to take over your life. Are you alone? No husband or children? Yes she is gone, but sit down each day/hour or--and write down ONE thing good you remember. Start forcing yourself to think good thoughts, not all the time but at least once a day. In turn you are destroying relationships with others and you will find yourself all by yourself. Yes others do forget much sooner that you, and it will take at least a year to feel better. Each holiday, especially Mother's Day will be worst, but only if YOU allow it. Turn to Nature, watch how spring comes each year. Remember the positive and soon the negatives will be gone, and yes they will come back but not as bad. If you are by yourself, look for ways to help others, read to a group at the library, help at a soup kitchen, learn a new hobby, and if you have been a caretaker, maybe a volunteer at your local hospital. Do something one thing at a time will heal you and help you be more postive. Write a letter to her, how much you miss her, and what you did today and how she would like it. Sit outside and quietly talk as if she was there, but only for a short period of time. I wish you the best.

    Bookmark   February 15, 2008 at 6:05PM
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Can anyone tell me where to find the book Hello From Heaven. I lost my beloved husband and feel like jazzie but trying to get through believing he is completely at peace and wouldn't want me to feel this way. Mary

    Bookmark   February 17, 2008 at 9:41PM
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Mary, you can get a new or used copy of "Hello From Heaven" on Amazon.com

    Bookmark   February 18, 2008 at 1:35AM
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Jazzie, I'm so sorry for all the anguish you are experiencing on the loss of your dear mother. You miss her terribly. I miss mine too; she has been gone 5 years now.

Your mother would not want you to be falling apart and not taking care of yourself.

This is just a wild question: By any chance are you taking melatonin to help you sleep? I know it has been connected with extra dreaming and nightmares, so I thought I'd mention it.

Take care.

    Bookmark   February 19, 2008 at 10:55PM
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