21yrs old + struggling w/ loss of both parents
I decided to post something on here because I'm having a hard time with the loss of my parents and it feels like i have no one to talk to that listens and understands what i'm going through...not even my brothers which is part of the reason i've been really struggling lately. i'm 21 years and i feel so cheated out of a happy life. i've lost both my parents and very tragically at that. when i was 3 my dad got hit in the head with a softball while playing in a tournament, i was there i watched it happen its one of my earliest memories in life, he went into a coma and 3 days later my mom chose to stop the life support because he would never recover, not even close, he was only 32 years old. my mom was only 27 when it happened and had 3 of us kids to take care of, an 8 yr old a 7 yr old and me being 3. my mom never remarried and gave her whole life to me and my brothers, she was a stay at home home and showed me the world, not traveling, but the little things in life, to take time to look at the sky to watch a sunset to experience everything i could in this short life, i was her only daughter and the youngest at that, she was my best friend i was her spoiled little baby, she was my ccd teacher my girl scout leader, the pto president at my school, she was amazing and gave her whole life to me and my brothers, she was so strong and never needed help from anyone, i felt cheated that my dad died when i was so young but i felt gods way of making up for it was giving me a mom that was my everything and that she'd always be here, well my mom also passed away, about a year and a half ago when i was 19. she was alone one night and choked on the food she was eating and no one was there to help her, i feel like i should have been there i was always with her we were attached at the hip, the night she died i had to be admitted into the hospital because i was so distraught, i miss her more than words can say and id rather die myself to be with here than have to make it through this life alone. i cry every day more than once and almost never smile, everyone tells me it will get easier but every day gets harder and harder, i would give anything to have her back for one more minute and to say i love you one more time. my heart is broken into a million pieces and i know it can never be put back together. i still cant believe shes gone, theyre both gone and ill never have them back my dad was only 32 and my mom was only 44 and they were both healthy not a single health problem, they were cheated out of lives they both deserved and now im cheated out of parents that i so desperately need im only 21 im still a child in terms of needing parents, but yet im an orphan i have no one left, all i have is 2 older brothers who arent there for me. they loved my mom, but not liked i did they dont understand how hard it is for me. I always heard stories about someone passing away and money tearing the rest of the family apart and i thought it was absurd, well now thats my life, all my brothers care about is my parents money and its tearing all 3 of us apart, they're all i have left its just us 3 and they're apparently willing to throw everything away for the right price, and my mom raised us better than that, she would be so heartbroken to know money is tearing her children apart, i'm just so at a loss of what to do and where to turn, i need my family and i feel like i have no one, im just wondering if anyone has gone or is going through anything like this and has any suggestions or ideas for me to get some what of a life back? thank you for anyone who took the time to read this, Heather.