Life in all its forms moves on

jmpld423January 12, 2010

I will never pretend to be an expert on grief. I have had alot of pratice over the years and I hope who ever reads this listens to the one piece of advice I have about the process. I lost my wife and child and the man that raised me in 1997 in a matter of six months.

My pregnant wife was murdered and my father committed suicide shortly after. I ran as far and as hard as I could trying to find any place to hide. I joined the Marine Corps and for all intent and purposes tried to kill myself in combat by doing stupid things out of grief. I never did obviously, this proved to me that the lord was watching over me when I was too stupid to do it for my self.

I kept running getting remarried and having kids. I never told my second wife about the first and she was clueless why I did not want her to go out at night, why I carried a gun (legally mind you) or the other seemingly absurd security measures I took. We would fight and I would fly off the handel. She walk on egg shells for five years and our marriage reached the breaking point.

I moved out got an apartment all the while thinking that crazy woman was the problem. I got into another relationship and the same things started happening again. I never put two and two together that it was me until i got to my breaking point. I had decided that I could not go on and that suicide was my way out.

It was the grace and love of my second wife that pulled me back. Despite my insanity she refused to give up and then one day I told her everything. It took two hours for me to tell her and I collapsed crying ten year old tears in the womans lap who I had said horrible things to. She only said on thing that I can remember as I cried myself to sleep that day. "You were never alone"

Now I have been married for ten years to her. We have little money or posessions and three children, but we have a happy life. Something Susan (my first wife) would have insisted I find after she was gone.

My one piece of advice to those that are grieving. Tell someone.

Men in particular think they can carry it all on thier shoulders not dealing, just pushing through day by day. Im here to tell you that you might loose all you hold dear when you realized that you cannot carry the world on your shoulders.

Even if it is here know that you are not alone we are with you.

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What a moving story!

Thanks for taking the time to post your experience, & especially thanks for that simple, profound advice:

"Tell someone."

& like you said, you are not alone; we are with you.

sending you my best thoughts & one piece of advice;
cradle your dear wife in your arms & thank her & thank your guardian/fairy/angel/godmother for sending you a wonderful woman with a loving heart.

    Bookmark   January 18, 2010 at 5:10PM
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