My brother died 10 years ago
In the years that have passed since my brother's death, I have had a variety of emotions and experiences with the grief. I never quite know how I will deal with the anniversary or his birthday. The sixth anniversary and each following were particularly difficult because I was more upset knowing that the ten year mark was looming. Now its only a few days away.
A few months ago I moved 800 miles away from home. While my husband is supportive, I feel very lost this anniversary. I don't have any places to go that Andy and I shared. I don't have anyone to cry with that knew Andy. (I met my husband in college after Andy died.) My apartment only has a few tokens to remember him by, two pictures and the blanket that I took off his bed the day he died.
For months I have thought about the day that lies ahead. How would I recognize it? I am not particularly religious. I cannot go home. I will call my parents, brother and grandparents. My cousin and best friend from childhood will call me, they have every other year. But the idea that its TEN years makes me feel like I should do more.
I made an appointment to give blood, platelets actually. Its a two hour process and after I made the appointment I realized that it is just around his time of death. I don't know if the donation will be uplifting at all, but at least its something to do that day. I will have to get out of my pajamas and brave the cold.
No question. I just needed to tell someone that I am still grieving. I hope that this idea isn't discouraging to anyone with a recent loss. I can say that the pain does ease. Recognizing it helps. Talking about him helps. I am not afraid to cry or think about him or tell a story of our childhood...no matter how much time passes.