First off, i would like to thank people for reading this. I am going through a very hard time right now as most of you. I lost my grandmother in a very horrible way 3 months ago. She was my everything. She taught me what life was all about and how i should appriciate everything i have, even if i didnt have anything at all. My grandmother was very smart and taught me how to think and how to be so loving. It's hard to believe that someone you love and miss very much is 6ft underground. It's barly hitting me that i am never going to speak to her again. I told her all of my secrets. She was my very bestfriend who never let me down. Even when she was ill she still wanted to help. I remember the last time i talked to her which was on a saturday. She came back from the hospital and wasnt feeling very good. I told her i loved her and missed her, but i cant remember if she told me the same which im sure she did. The very next day she died. 8 days before my 20th birthday. That was the most horrible day of my life. I just lost my bestfriend. There are times when i need to talk to her so bad. I wanted her to be there for my birthday, before she died i was really looking forward to it, but when that day came i just wanted to stay home. She wouldnt be there to give me a hug or to dance with me.
3 months passing and i am still taking it very hard. There are times im in my room watching videos of her and realizing that she is never coming back. Im never going to see her smile or hear her laugh. To me it felt like she was the ONLY one who was so happy to see me. She would be waiting for me in the kitchen to give me one of her worlds biggest hugs. Now, when i walk into her house, everything is just so different. Her room is the same and i find myself laying there wondering what could be different if it was today. Would she still be sick or would she be laughing and being with me? There are times when i would blame God, but i would here my grandmothers voice saying that it isnt God's fault. He took her for a reason. She was a good person inside and out. I miss her so much and always will. I would write her letters when she was sick, letting her know that she was my hero for going through everything she did. And the truth is she still is till this day. Looking through her stuff i found my letters that i gave her. She saved them ALL. For her funeral, i wrote her a last letter, it was hard to read in front of people, but i was doing it for her. She would've been so proud of me. I folded the letter and put it next to her. She looked so different. I never thought that i would go through this. I never thought i would lose someone so special to me.
When im in the car with my mother who is driving, i stare at the window on to the ground. Thinking maybe what would happen if i jumped out of the car and let someone else hit me. Would i die and see my grandmother right away? Or would i live and still suffer inside and out? I have no friends to talk to, and talking to a family memeber isnt going to help me. Im hoping someone here is. Thanks for taking ur time to read this.