The loss of my son ...
My wife and I just lost our son about 6 weeks ago at the age of 20. He was in terrible pain due to a botched shoulder surgery that left his shoulder unable to stay in its socket without physically trying to hold it into place. While waiting for the 2nd surgery date (for many, many weeks) he was on some very heavy duty pain medication and muscle relaxers. He died from an overdose. We found him dead on his bedroom floor, with my wife holding him and not being able to let go until the fire dept. etc. arrived and helped her off of him.
My wife and I have been torn into thousands of little pieces. The pain is still completely unbearable at times. The Christmas holiday's were more painful than I even know how to express, and took every fiber of my soul to be able to get through it. Having never cried since I was a very little boy ( I am 51 now), I now have absolutely no control over when a crying bout may strike me over the loss of our son. My wife and I both get panic attacks out of nowhere now, when we had never had this problem before. We both feel so overwhelmingly vulnerable right now, where we both have never felt vulnerable before. The physical shaky feeling inside, the feeling of being so cold,
Since I am physically disabled, I have no one to talk to except for my wife and God outside of our home. While looking for some online help today I ran into your site, and just started reading and hoped that just maybe it might help me if I were able to post some of my feelings here. I pray that with Gods help, somehow my wife and I will in some way find the strength to even be able to carry on.