It's been over 3 mths. now
Well it's been just over 3 months since my brothers passing and the grief journey keeps changing. Sometimes it surprises me how hard I am taking this, actually feels like I am an amature to hard times, but it's just the opposite I've had my share. I go to weekly griefshare meetings here locally and they help for the present but I still have many hard times by myself. I guess because my existance for many years centered around taking care of mom at home until she needed more and then supporting my brother at home for years after. We all lived together and started out them helping me from my accident back in 1997 when we decided it was economically sound to all get a place together and help each other as a family should.
Well being the youngest I never gave much thought to what I would do after moms cancer finally came back to take her and brothers cirrohsis beat us before getting him on the transplant list. Never allowed those negative thoughts to rule over my mind but I gotta say this is one of the hardest things I've ever faced alone.
Don't know which is worse, this identity loss of who am I now, or memories of rare weakness when I complained about taking care of my brother when things got rough. It all makes me realize how much I wish I still had them here now to take care of instead of this constant solitude and confusion about what to do. Age 54 seems alittle late to have such a huge mental change. Guess I am having a real moment of weakness.
Thoughts and Prayers to all who are grieving loss of loved ones.