Husband OD'd , how do we cope?

fr3shJanuary 7, 2009

My husband of 26 years overdosed on perscription drugs. He and I had been seperated for 3 years because of his addiction. I left Ohio and started working in california because I couldn't stand watching what the drugs were doing to him. I decided I didn't want to watch him kill himself. He had battled with addictions to various substances for years. My 22 year old daughter, and 24year old son had moved back into the house I left with their dad. Sadly on the night of my hausband's passing, My Children found him. They both are trumatized, feeling they should havr called 911 that night. We are struggling with guilt and grief. How do I help my kids. This was not their fault.

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socks

This is very sad. Are you going back to Ohio or will you be seeing your children? I think it's natural for them to blame themselves in one way or another, but your husband did this to himself,plain and simple, and there is no way they could have stopped it. It seems like it was inevitable. I would tell them that you are speaking from the bottom of your heart that in no way are they responsible. I'm so sorry for all the trouble and pain you and your family are experiencing.

    Bookmark   January 7, 2009 at 10:31PM
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marksf

Sorry to hear this and I hope you and your kids get back together through the grieving process. It will help you all if you can stick together through this.

It's possible their dad was a very depressed person and lost his grip on reality with the prescription drugs which is very sad especially with the battle he had been having with drugs throughout his life. It's even more sad he didn't get the help he needed for as long as he needed.

God Bless you all

    Bookmark   January 8, 2009 at 12:12AM
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fr3sh

Thanks marksf, and socks12345 for your replies and support. I don't know if I'll be moving back to Ohio or not. I am glad to hear that someone agrees with me that my children need my support and counsil right now. A few people have told me that my kids are adults (22 & 24), and I should not run to rescue them. That they will get over this in time... But they don't understand what living with an addict does to the dynamics of a famliy. My husband was not a monster. He was a loving and sensitive guy who loved his family. He was unable or unwilling to defeat his addictions. It made us angry at times with him, sorry for him at times, lost at what to do for him. Like myself, my young adult children became like his parent. Watching over him, advising, encouraging, even scolding him. We could not save him. Only he could do that, even he failed. I am afraid for my kids. I believe they are vulerable right now. They seem lost and unproductive. I have asked them if they would like to come to california, and they said they would try it out here. People say I should let them be adults and work it out on their own. That It will only make them strong. That bringing them out here and putting them up for a while until they can get jobs and an apartment is too much of a burden for me to take on because after all... "They are grown" What if leaving them to stuggle with life and cope with the death of their dad doesn't doesn't make them strong? What if it destroys them? How can anyone expect me to sit back and just hope for the best? How will I be able to live with myself if God forbid, my fears come to reality?

    Bookmark   January 8, 2009 at 7:11PM
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marksf

It's hard to understand when advice comes on both sides of the fence, but if they are giving positive feedback on trying it out together with you I can't see the harm.

It could help all of you through your unfortunate loss and it sounds as though their dad was good deepdown inside but got lost in his weakness before he could get the type of clinical help he needed.

I hope you and your grown kids grow even closer through the grieving process .

    Bookmark   January 8, 2009 at 11:26PM
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donnawb

I am so sorry for you loss. You are your kids need to understand that it wasn't what you or they did or didn't do. Your husband had choices and for what ever reason picked the wrong ones. As far as trying to help your kids through this, isn't that what ever parent does with their children. How was your relationship with your kids? Were they angry that you left? Are they still angry with you?

    Bookmark   January 9, 2009 at 12:23PM
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socks

This is just my opinion, but I cannot imagine not helping the children at this time. This is what family is for, to help each other in time of need. To buoy each other up when sadness takes over. To listen to each other. Twenty-two and 24, they are technically adults, but truly they are very, very young. I think you need to spend time with them. Follow your heart.

    Bookmark   January 9, 2009 at 10:52PM
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patser

I have had 2 friends die from accidental overdoses and it isn't easy to cope afterword. I would strongly encourage both your children to start going to Al-Anon asap and often. Doesn't matter if it's in Ohio or Cal. If they have medical insurance, look into therapists, too. My thoughts are with your family.

    Bookmark   January 10, 2009 at 11:47AM
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