can't see one grandkid, must take them all or none. what?!
My daughter and 2yo granddaughter moved in with me after her divorce. I grew very close to my little GD and she loved living with us, having her own queen-size bed and bathroom all to herself. They lived with me for a year, and then moved into an apartment once my daughter got back on her feet financially. Several months later, even though my daughter had her own place and could easily support them both, they moved in with a man who had two girls of his own, age 3 and 6.
I am not allowed to see my granddaughter anymore for special days out, a play, lunch, shopping, anything like that. I was told in had to take all three girls, not just the one. My daughter told me, "You need to understand you have 3 granddaughters now." That's fine, but I don�t WANT to take all three! They�re lovely girls, but having a bunch of screaming, hyper girls out in public somewhere is simply not my idea of a good time.
Back in March 2013, when she and I had a discussion about our mutual desires and expectations, I asked to be invited over to her house for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, during the week or on weekends, so I could spend time with the kids as a group, but I never received an invitation. Only to large events such as birthday parties, that sort of thing, where there are 50 people in attendance and the kids are running around doing their thing. Nice, but not a bonding experience.
I resent that my granddaughter has been kept from me. I have a beautiful pool and movie theatre in my home and it was like pulling teeth to get my daughter to bring the girls over for a visit. (They live 30-40 minutes away). The day they finally did come, my granddaughter wanted to play with her dollies, and the other two were jumping down the staircase and throwing toys off the second floor balcony. I couldn�t believe how poorly behaved they were! And I�m supposed to take them all out in public? I don�t think so. That event was this past spring; my daughter brought the girls over to swim only once this summer.
I would have liked to spend time individually with these kids, but that�s just not allowed. I had wanted to take the older girl out for her 8th birthday for a mani/pedi/hairdo day and lunch out, but never got a response. Ridiculous.
And now, my husband and I have moved a 5 1/2 hour car ride away and the daughter and boyfriend have just had an infant son together. I had planned to drive down to see the baby (I would only be in town for a day and a half, as things on my end here didn't allow for a longer stay). I asked if there was some way to see my GD for a bit and was told unequivocally no.
It was suggested to me by several people I relayed this story to, to contact my ex-son-in-law to see if I could pop over his place just to see my GD and much to my surprise he said yes. He mentioned it to my daughter who had a fit, so I cancelled my plan to visit over at his house.
I was so distraught, especially after being so excited at the prospect of seeing my little GD, that I told my daughter I didn't feel welcome and that I wasn't going to come by. I did make the trip to see other family and friends, and found out that she hid both the infant and my GD in the event that I 'decided to come by and make a scene'. I am just sick over this. We've always had our mother-daughter issues, but I can no longer communicate with her.
I will continue to send cards and gifts to the kids - all of them, of course - and just keep silent with my daughter and her boyfriend. I feel as though that is my only option.
I can only hope for the passing of time and as years go by, maybe somehow I can see the girls. Any advice would be welcome.