What a Rollercoaster this is

DarrylsMomJanuary 22, 2005

Hi everyone, as usual i'm here once again now i come everyday. I'm now in a new stage i think but what is this way i feel and act. When i'm at work being a waitress i go around like I'm on some high and I don't even take pills when someone asks how are you doing which is everyone because we come from a small community I say very good why do I? I know that's what they want to hear I think. Then 2 seconds later i go in the back and start crying for no reason. Is it normal to try not to think of our loss so we won't feel sad is it normal to try to put it in the back of our minds so we won't be sad. I'm at a point now that I like to hear about my son's memorys and have a good laugh with that person then at the end of the conversation i start to cry. My son was a very caring good person he loved his 2 boys more then life itself and always loved to make jokes. He had very many friends and as time goes by we are told his many friends miss him very much. I'm not use to being a person who can be talking to you and then all out of nowhere i start to cry how strange these feelings. I just felt like posting to tell you where I am now it will be 4 months this week and it doesn't get any easier. But i'm sure many of you know that Again Thanks for listening Darlene

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This is my first post here and it will be 2 years in March when we lost Tracy our daughter, to a car accident. You are in the very early stages of your grief. It changes over time but I can cry when suddenly a memory hits me or I for a second think-I need to call her and then I remember. What you are going through is normal for you. Ebveryone goes through this differently. donna from wis.

    Bookmark   January 22, 2005 at 3:08PM
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I really hate to tell you this, but you really haven't even begun to scratch the surface of grief yet. I'm not telling you that it necessarily will get much worse, but I can tell you that it will probably be a very long time before you can honestly say that you are "Okay" and mean it. As I told a friend the other night when she said that her friends say they are "okay" after 2 months after their child's death. I told her that "Okay" means that they are breathing. You have a long, long, way to go. Everyone is different so I can't tell you for sure how you will be but from my experience I think I can safely say that you probably will have many intense ups and downs...... Many crying jags, times when you don't feel anything, times when you think you're getting better and then DOWN you go again. It's all from that dirty word, GRIEF.
I never knew what grief was until I experienced it when Christin left us. I didn't have a clue what that word meant. I had never really experienced intense grief.
I know now and my heart hurts for all that have to experience it.

    Bookmark   January 22, 2005 at 8:48PM
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Darrylsmom, I am sorry this is such a difficult period for you. As Lu said, there are going to be many stages of grief you will enter. And I think some stages you revert and go back through again and again. I think when people ask how you are doing, you create that answer because it is easier than going into detail about how you are really doing, especially in a work situation where you are asked this often. I hope you come here often to share what you are going thru.

Craftylady - welcome. I am sorry for your loss. Tell us about Tracy in a post.


    Bookmark   January 23, 2005 at 6:15AM
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