Ex Husband still angry impacting grandchild

mccoy99September 15, 2007

I have legal guardianship of my 4 year old granddaughter - her mother is a meth addict. My exhusband (divorced 15 years) is still angry with me and says things in front of the child such as "I despise you" and when he found out I had her in counseling "Are you going to ruin her like you ruined our daughter". I am thinking I shouldn't let him visit with her or should I just continue to ignore his ramblings - what is best for the child she has already witnessed so many horrible things. Help, please.

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I wouldn't allow him to interact with her- he's teaching her that it's OK to treat you with contempt and when she gets older it will be a way of life for her. Did he behave this way when you were raising your daughter?
Privately you might like to ask him what he means by, "Are you going to ruin her like you ruined our daughter"? and what he thinks should be done differently. Then in a calmer moment you could reflect on whether or not he has any kind of point and act accordingly (which may well be to tell your ex-H to go soak his head). I'm not saying that your daughter's current issues are the result of her upbringing, but I know there are things I would have preferred to do differently when we were raising our daughter which my husband undermined, which he later admitted he was wrong to do.

    Bookmark   September 16, 2007 at 6:32AM
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Hi, I don't belong here, just followed a link & stayed to read.

I grew up in a household filled with sarcasm, conflict, & hatefulness, & your ex's comments & attitude make me flinch.

You wouldn't ask if you should protect that 4-year-old from poison, you'd just do it.

This is poison-
throw it out of the house.

I wish you the best.

ps: A really effective tool that abusers use is blaming other people for problems the abuser caused.

When your daughter was growing up, did this ex live in the household, criticizing, ridiculing, spewing hatefulness?

Might that, rather than your "ruining" her, have something to do with your daughter's meth problem?

    Bookmark   October 7, 2007 at 10:25AM
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"My exhusband (divorced 15 years) is still angry with me"

Unless you did him devastating & irreparable damage (like cutting off his fingers), no normal person stays angry for 15 years.

A person who's been angry for 15 years is a person who feeds off anger, who gets his energy from it, who enjoys it.

The day he dies, he'll be angry.
much to his own satisfaction.

    Bookmark   October 8, 2007 at 2:00PM
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