Reframing grief into manageable pieces
I know the title sounds a little odd, but I continue to have trouble coping with my parent's deaths - 7 months apart. I seem to function best when I don't think about them at all. It seems that remembering them drags up what I know longer have - then I remember HOW they died, and I just cannot cope with that. So I just keep busy, which is avoidance I know. I think people may think I'm crazy. Because I'm not really dealing with my feelings, my overwhelming sadness comes out unexpectedly - often in church. I feel like people are thinking "why aren't you over this already?, it's been almost 2 years!".
For me, it's just sad enough that I lost people that I loved so much and I have this void in my life. I know that death is a part of life, and I believe in heaven, and I believe I will see them again. I think what I can't get past is WATCHING them die, and being so unprepared for it all, and inexperienced with it all, and all of the stress in dealing with my family members though it all. I am trying to reframe these memories into something more comforting and understandable, and logical. Does anyone do this? How do you do this? I don't want to go through the rest of my life in this anguish and being unable to view pictures of my parents or just remember them joyfully.