Lazy you have one too??

berkSeptember 27, 2002

I have an almost 18 yr. old grandaughter living with us. I think I need on nerve pills or anti- depressants anymore!

No matter what I say she won't clean her room! I have just left the door closed! But she seems not to care if I work myself to death while she sits and watches tv. If I ask her to get a load of of the dryer, she does but it will sit in the basket for ever before she decised to fold it.

I had such a perfect life now I am stressed to the max!!

I love her dearly but I am so sick of having such a mess all the time there a tea or something that I can fix that would really help me mellow out??


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Why is she living with you? I would leave her clothes in a basket, unfolded, close the door to her room and have a cup of peppermint tea! For meals, fix me one single, and let her do her thing. Loving without discipline is hard and sounds like a little bit of resentment.

    Bookmark   September 27, 2002 at 8:01PM
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Be grateful it is just your granddaughter, I have a husband like that :+) He was this way LONG before I married him (26 years ago) and I knew it, so I have no one to blame but myself. Try hiding some of her mess or the clothes that she lets sit in the laundry basket all day. When it is a vital item missing, and she needs it maybe taking care of her things will change. You can BET she didn't get this way over night and that she won't change overnight.
Now, have you set her down and told her exactly what you expect from her while she lives under your roof? Does she believe she is your guest or have you let her know you are supplying her with free room and board AND expect her to do her fare share of the house or yard work? Why would anyone with maid service, a cook, laundry service, etc. help out with the work voluntarily?

    Bookmark   September 28, 2002 at 11:10AM
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Berk: Oh, well -- kids today. Try and develop a sense of humor about this. Since what you've tried hasn't worked, and only seems to add to your frustration, let it go. This will be hard if you're home all the time, and everything your granddaughter does is irritating and annoying. Forget the Battle of the Wills, though. No one ever wins. Just keep her bedroom door closed, and quit asking for any sort of help. This will be such a change for her that she may just surprise you and decide to pitch in. The most important thing for you to do is love her -- just as she is. They DO grow up and become more responsible. Sometimes it just takes a while...

Here is a link that might be useful: Welcome to Gram's Pantry

    Bookmark   September 28, 2002 at 12:14PM
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Put her out. She is 18 years old and old enough to take care of herself. Once she joins the "real world" and sees how hard it is she'll appreciate the little things you did for her.

    Bookmark   October 1, 2002 at 10:32AM
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If her room is a mess, what do you care? Just insist she keep the door closed. About the rest - when my children turned 18, they had to put cash into the house (even $5.00) and since I was a widow raising three children, when I got home from work on 3 evenings a week, one of them put dinner on the table. Peanut butter and jelly was fine for the youngest when he was 7, but leftovers, cereal or whatever, they put dinner on the table. All three are hardworking adults and excellent cooks. Your grandaughter should be helping around the house. If not, she can move out.

    Bookmark   November 4, 2002 at 9:47PM
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My son complains of the same thing. His 17 year old doesn't clean up his bedroom. Parents are divorced,son has custody.
It kind of reminded me of when my son and his sister were home. Son was neat, daughter was a slob. Her room would have been condemned by the health department. I locked her bedroom door when folks came over so they wouldn't wander in and get lost in the junk.
Both grew up okay. Teens eventually move on and move up.
Sit down,put your feet up relax and do something nice for yourself. You deserve it. Life is much too short to sweat the small stuff.


    Bookmark   November 5, 2002 at 10:23PM
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This is your house..... state your rules, negotiate with her.. if she cannot compromise ask her to move out until she can apprectiate your generosity...

Dont let her take advantage of you.. Things will continue to get worse if you try to cover up the problem... - testing your patience to the limit.

    Bookmark   December 21, 2002 at 11:45PM
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You need to let HER wash her OWN clothes and fix her own meals. Many 18 year old's are on there own or are married with a kid, even. She can was her own sheets, too. Don't let her take any mess out of her room and spread it over the house, either. You don't say if either of you work or if she's a senior in school or what. Knowing more about the situation would really help in giving advice to you.

    Bookmark   January 5, 2003 at 4:01PM
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She is 18, old enough to be out of your house OR charge her rent! Does she have a job?
Make her do her own laundry and tell her she has to pay extra for tv privileges.
She is too old for you to put up with like this. She is showing horrible disrespect. Make her move out.

    Bookmark   June 8, 2003 at 5:40PM
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