Grandparent favoritism

artlover1967September 9, 2008

Hi, I am about to have my first grandson in 3 months and I am 41. The problem I have is my mother, she is grandmother to ten grandchildren ages 1 to 21. 9 of the grandchildren are from me and my brother, and the youngest granddaughter is by our youngest half-sister (hate that label). I live 5 minutes away from Mom, my brother lives 2 hours away, and our sister lives 2 hours away. For the past 4 years I have begged my mom to take an interest in her grandchildren, she says she will but never has, no sleep overs, going to parks, she barely remembers thier birthdays, and now 9 grandchildren don't ask for her. My sisters daughter is born and is very beautiful and sweet. Mom drives 2 hours to get her, has bought an entire household of baby stuff and this grandchild stays with her 3 to 4 days a week. my sister works and can afford daycare(the other 9 went to daycare)but mom does not want this one to go. I could go on and on but the bottom line is, I have been a good daughter, my husband is constantly fixing things at thier house, and i have well behaved talented children. I have cried so much over her neglect over the others, but what broke the camels back is my 10 year old son has learning problems, and his school harrased him so bad he wanted to die. we got him help and we are homeschooling him until comprehensive tests our done. When she found out, she waited two days to call and check on him, instead of coming and seeing him herself. When I calmy told her my feelings and said she seemed happy with my stepfather, my half-sister, and my half-sisters baby, I was setting her free of any obligation she might feel to my children as her actions contradict what she says. She became very angry, blamed my husband for brainwashing me (I am retired Navy and my thoughts are my own). Has anyone been thru anything like this? My children do not have any happy memories with her, They have a lot of good memories of my deceased Father, he was not a good father, but he was a good grampa. He taught them to fish, took them to zoos and petting zoos, and a buffalo park. When he became ill he took them to local parks-all 9 grandkids sometimes at once. I am a disabled gulf was veteran and recently had spine surgery because I was in danger of being paralyzed. I am so weak and she has only visited once and the little girl in me wants my mommy, but I can't pretend anymore. Any advice would be appreciated.

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I'm very sorry to hear your story. Bad parents leave a void in your life and you have to find something to fill the void. I am a firm believer in letting stuff go that I can't change. I know that sounds simple, but it can be done. It's just a matter of occupying your mind with something else. I was married to a man for 33 years who was a good husband, but a very cold man. No hugs, kisses or any affectionate behavior. My mom gave me some very good advice. She said, "you are spending to much time thinking of his faults, spend that time thinking of his good qualities". It worked.

    Bookmark   September 9, 2008 at 11:03AM
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You are right, thank you for your kind words. It has taken me a long time to realize my love will not effect a change, any change a person makes comes from within and because they want it. Before I became ill, I was focused on making good memories with my loving husband, kids, brother and his kids. When I went to VA hospital for treatment I would gather books, and women and childrens clothes for female vets who had lost everything. I think when you are sick it gives you too much time to think, and I need to focus on the positives instead of negatives.

    Bookmark   September 9, 2008 at 5:20PM
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Also when you are alone, you have to much time to think and it's usually about yourself and at my age it usually my health. I find a way to keep busy with a good book or movie. I open my blinds, let the sun shine in and watch the birds at my feeder. I love nature, it's a wondrous thing.

    Bookmark   September 9, 2008 at 7:28PM
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