My Mom Passed Away

lisa_2009January 22, 2009

I know what all of you are going through and I sympathize. My mom just passed away 3 weeks ago at the age of 50. She had a horrible autoimmune disease called Scleroderma, and she suffered tremendously the past few months. It was horrible watching her with such pain and sadness. In the end she couldnt breathe on her own anymore because she had a severe lung condition. She spent the last month of her life in the hospital, and things just went downhill. She had to be put on life support and we had to make the decision to turn the machines off because the doctor said there was just no hope anymore. We were with her when she passed, in the hospital room. I am grateful for her suffering to be over, but now our suffering has truly begun. We have to adjust to a life without her in it. ItÂs also painful because she had to spend her 50th birthday in the hospital, as well as Christmas. She passed away on New YearÂs Day, so that day will never be an exciting holiday for me again. Sometimes I still canÂt believe it, and I expect to see her come around the corner when I get home. What hurts me the most is that I feel cheated. She was so young and had so many years left to live. She never got to see me or my brother get married, or got the chance to become a grandmother. She was so excited to experience those things, and now she will never get the chance. It hurts me to see my dad go through this too, as he just lost his father 11 months ago. This whole experience seems like a nightmare, but one where I canÂt wake up. My mom was my best friend, and the kindest person I have ever known. I know she is happy in heaven and that does give me some comfort, but being that IÂm only 22 years old, it hurts me so much that I have to live the rest of my life without her. I have so much to look forward to in my life, but I know as each milestone occurs there will be great sadness too, as I will wish my mom could be there to share in my joy. Sometimes life just doesnÂt seem fair, and I know that you all understand where IÂm coming from. I know time will help heal some of the wounds, but itÂs impossible to get over losing her. I hope to see "signs" of her presence as some of you indicate you have experienced with your own moms. I want to feel close to her even though I know she is physically gone.

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Sorry you lost your mom and for all her suffering, and I know what you mean when you said "sometimes it just doesn't seem fair" because it doesn't when our loved ones that have done so much for us have to suffer so much in their passing. I guess we have to know the reason is too much for us to grasp now but that our loved ones are with God in their new spirtual bodies now and will welcome us when the time comes. Give your grieving time and stay close to your dad and rest of your family now as much as possible and my thoughts and prayers go out to you.


    Bookmark   January 22, 2009 at 9:08PM
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I'm so sorry, Lisa. It's so sad when parents die too young. I wish I had words to comfort you. You'll always miss your dear mother. You do have a lot to look forward to in life, so make it all good so Mom would be proud and happy if she could be there.

Deepest sympathy,


    Bookmark   January 24, 2009 at 7:50PM
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My mother passed away on Jan 14th. I know how you are feeling. I have a younger brother who was with her for 44 years. All of us are married or have children except my younger brother. I don't know if all my grief is for my mother or for my brother as well. All I know is it is so lonely without her. My heart goes out to you. I am waiting for the day that people say will come saying the loss will become easier.

    Bookmark   February 16, 2009 at 8:40PM
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Thank you all for your responses. It helps so much to have the support of others who truly understand my pain. It hurts so much to lose the ones we love, but I'm grateful I had the chance to love my mom that much.

Losing people is a painful fact of life. It scares me to know that the longer I am on this earth, the more people I will probably lose. I'm starting to look at things differently though, because for one thing I'm not afraid to die any longer. I was really only scared of the "unknown" aspect of dying in the past. But now, I know when I die I have so much to look forward to. I cannot wait until I am reunited with my mom again in heaven! We will have it much better there than we ever did in this world of pain and suffering.

Until that day I'm going to occupy my time as best as I can, and try to have some fun along the way. I urge all of you to do the same. Take things one day at a time. It's all you can do really. Stop and look at God's glory all around us, and never give up hope for the future. We are all here for a reason, and God has a plan for us all.

God bless,

    Bookmark   February 20, 2009 at 9:51AM
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I'm surprised to see that I'm not the only one going through this. And your situation seems very similar to my own... I lost my mom Feb and she was 51...her birthday is in 3 days... I am 23 and's been very tough but I guess I'm not alone.
My mom was the best mom in the world...and she still is! I feel that she is always with me and guides me to be a better person. I'm not crazy (I don't think) but yea I really feel that mom's love is the most strongest in the world (next to God's love for us of course). I felt like sh1t when she passed, because I have not graduated yet and I have not been able to buy her a house and all...most importantly, I have not been able to travel or spend time with her due to school and dating some girl. How foolish I was...wasting my time with some girl who decides to leave me because I was too occupied with school. How foolish of me to date a girl cuz of looks instead of her inside. After my mom's passing, I feel that I have really grown up. Seriously, God really have reasons for all of us. I have been a Christian for the majority of my life, but I have been bad. Since Feb, I have been going to church weekly and things have been going pretty well. My future seems a lot brighter as well. I have a goal to live now. I'm going to make her proud as well as serve God as long as I live just so I can end up in heaven like my mom. I just cannot afford to end up in he11 because I miss my mom so much. So to good things in life and start going to church! If you feel that God doesn't exist...question yourself the very existence of our presence and how everything came together. There must be a Creator responsible for this, right? Well, that's where I started and started looking into different religions and Christianity made the most sense to me, even though half of the bible doesn't make sense to me yet.
Good luck to everyone and believe me, she is always there for you so don't be sad too much. I'm sure she will be unhappy to see you suffer so be happy that she isn't suffering anymore and that she is enjoying every bits of life in heaven!


    Bookmark   March 25, 2009 at 7:28AM
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Thank you to all for your kind words and prayers. My heart goes out to everyone who has lost someone near and dear to them. The sad fact is that the longer we are here the more we will go through losing people we love...sometimes that thought is unbearable to me. Yet, I keep in mind God's love and that he has a reason for everything.

jhk702- Thank you for your kind words and reply. Our situations do sound very similar. I just turned 23 last month. I just never thought I would be dealing with the loss of my mom at this early age. I never thought in a million years that she wouldn't be at my wedding some day or to see me have kids. What hurts me the most is that I will have to miss out on sharing those things with my mom that so many other people take for granted. My mom would have made the best grandma ever because she couldn't wait to spoil her grandkids like crazy. She was the best mom in the world and it breaks my heart that she has to miss out on so much like seeing her future grandchildren.

My dad seems okay most of the time, but he has his moments. I know we always will though, especially now since it's only been 3 months since her passing. Yesterday was very hard for him. We had Easter dinner by my aunts house, and when we came home he went to his room and was crying. He said he doesn't know how he will ever have fun anymore. I tried to console him and reassure him that he will, but no words can take away the pain he is experiencing. I know this because no one can say anything to me that will take away my pain of losing my mom.

My faith in God is what I hold onto. I know my mom is in heaven, and happy there. I try not to be sad most of the time because she wouldn't want that. Plus, as many of you have said, it's important to focus on the things you do have and the people who are still here. I don't want to let my pain get in the way of spending time with my dad, aunts, grandmas, etc. There are blessings all around us and also reasons to smile.

No matter what you are going through, know that you are not alone. Everyone has lost someone dear to them, and if they haven't yet, they will one day. I heard a pastor say once "it's like we are all walking around with a timer on our heads. The timer is constantly counting down, and only God knows when our time is up." It could be today, tomorrow, or 50 years from now. Either way, we need to enjoy the time we have on earth and help others who need it. Be a good person and you will end up in heaven where your loved one is waiting for you now.

Take care and God bless.

    Bookmark   April 13, 2009 at 1:22PM
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My mom passed away when she was 50 also. I was 18 at the time, now i am 20. she raised me by herself my whole life while she fought brain tumors since I was two and had seizures. i can relate to so much of what you are saying. Our whole family has falling apart since she died, family that once got together with all the uncles aunts and cousins every Sunday now has almost hate between each other my mom was the peace maker of the family and without her everything just fell apart.Now Im in college. I'm completely independent But not because i want to be because i forced to be. every holiday is another reminder of how much i miss her mother went into the hospital new years day from a large seizure and was unable to talk or walk after that although she did get better for a while, we had to take her to the nursing home where i would be with her about 8-12 hours a day to everyone there they just thought she was mentally handicap but she could understand everything that was going on around her she just couldn't speak because of the position of the brain tumor. she went from being a teacher reading tutor and published writer to not being able to write her own name. There is so much more to her story and im sure so much more to yours and your mothers that you didnt write. and i just want you to know that when i read your post i was shocked by how much u said was exactly how i felt. No matter what i do in life it will be bitter sweet graduating from college marriage kids.and sometimes i feel like im losing some of my connection with her. But the other night i decided to say evening prayers which i hadn't done in a while, at the end i asked my mom to please visit me in my dreams... well that night i didn't sleep hardly at all because of toothache but the next day i finally fell asleep around 10pm for about 45 minutes. And my mom visited me i told her i felt like we were not as connected as we used to be, and she said yea well we don't talk as much as we used to ( probably cause i haven't been praying as much as i used to) and she told me she was proud of me and just to try my hardest at whatever i was doing. i asked her what she thought of my ex. and she said he was nice and had a good personality but that i should stay with him just because of her. (previously i had told a few close friends the main reason i stayed with him was because of how much i had told him about my mom and how it felt like he knew her even though he had never met her) Then IN my Dream i woke up and looked at my phone and it said 5:00pm i then tried to get back into the dream with my mother but was actually woken up from a phone call at 10:45pm. so anyways i looked up the meaning of 5 and 0 in a dream dictionary 5 "may reflect a change in course. It is also the LINK between HEAVEN and EARTH." and 0 "denotes timelessness, super-conscious, eternity. It also symbolizes God." But i am sure this was a visit from my mom because you can just tell by the way it feels you know the difference in your heart. maybe if you ask your mom to visit you in your dreams she will.. it took a while for my mom to visit me but she finally did when i was at one of the worst points feeling like i was ready to give up on everything. people say it gets easier in time I'm not sure that that is true, how could time ever heal that wound, I suppose i cry a lot less now. I would say it doesn't get any easier you just learn to function with the pain better.But you can you can still have happiness in spite of this pain. She is still with you sometimes its harder to recognize then others. and remember she lives on in the stories you tell and in you so make her proud.


    Bookmark   April 13, 2009 at 3:39PM
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It sure does sound like we have a lot in common. And yes, you are right in that my mom's story has a lot more to it. She suffered so much in the last months of her life that it breaks my heart to even think about that time of her life and my own.

I will never understand why God took her so soon, or why she had to suffer so much in her passing, but I know someday I will have all the answers. I'm sure the same goes for you and your mom.

It's funny because just as you wrote, I too have been lacking in the "prayer dept." lately. It bothers me that I don't pray as much as I used to, so I've been trying to start again. I find that much of the peace I have only comes from God alone. It's at times like this that I don't know what I'd do without my faith. Our mom's our happy in heaven with our savior, and they are patiently waiting for the day we can join them in paradise.

Stay strong, and keep in touch. I hate that you are going through this too, but it helps me to know I'm not alone.

God bless you & take care of yourself.


    Bookmark   April 15, 2009 at 3:32PM
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Tara, it is just amazing how I can relate to your story as well. I was in Philadelphia on campus when I got a call from my sister at right about 5:00PM when she notified me of my mom's passing. And recently, I have been spending most of my time with my good friend who is also a Christian. I asked him how to convert someone into Christian if there's no "legitimate proof" that a non-christian would believe in. He told me that the proof is clear and its's just that we fail to recognize them. Well, I'm guessing 5:00PM is good! I'm not sure if I'm making any sense right now, but I believe that all of our moms are having a wonderful time right now, especially since we all have faith in Him. I think the best way to interpret the reason behind our mothers' early departure is to bring us closer to Him. I just read a verse in the Bible last night and it says that if you are able to give up anything for Him, even a family member, you will find eternal happiness in Heaven. My mom's passing reminds me of how much she loved me. Sacrifice is love I Son of God died for our sins. If I didn't have faith..I probably would have gone crazy. The more I try to understand Him, the less painful it gets. I's hard to keep up with all of the prayers everyday...but try to think more about God and try to appreciate everything that has happened. Appreciate even the smallest thing, like a nice weather you know... It sounds crazy, I know, but everything really happens for the good of us. I wish I knew the exact answer to this but I'm sure He is putting us through such testimony to make us into someone better. Remember that we only have one chance in life... so make the best out of it to serve Him. And start going to church if you havn't....I have been really good about going to church since my mom's passing, but every week, I learn something new and something relevant. For example...we had an Easter prayer meeting last Friday and the pastor reminded us about His love and to love one another like how He loves us. He also mentioned to ask forgiveness (to someone you friends) if you did something wrong in the past. The following day, I was on AIM and saw my very first GF online. I told her I was sorry for what happened before and she actually said "it's okay it's past." It is just crazy...for EIGHT years, she has not said a word to me and has been ignoring me since I tried to talk to her after the breakup (I was a jerk...). I felt 100x better than what I was after being forgiven...So I strongly encourage everyone to keep their faith strong and try to go to church regularly. Going to Heaven is not all about going to church's about your personal relations with God. I hope everyone is doing well and please KIT! This forum is also very helpful for me as well...
GL with everyone!!!

    Bookmark   April 16, 2009 at 7:18PM
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Lisa and others grieving,
I understand your pain. My mom had been suffering with heart problems for 12 years. In those 12 years she had 2 triple by-pass surgeries and was one of the strongest women/person I have ever known/met. She ate healthy, excersized and did everything the doctors told her. She was healthy but the heart disease was just hereditary. Even though she was on countless different medications she still worked, took care of her family, and raised me, a daughter that is so inspired and misses her dearly. It was 2 weeks before my Highschool Senior Prom and a month away from my graduation when her heart gave up and she went into cardiac arrest. I witnessed it all as the doctors kicked us out of the hospital room so they could perform CPR for over an hour on her only to come in the consultation room where we were waiting to tell us that her heart gave up. That was April 26th 2009. I will remember every little detail of that day sometimes I wish I didn't but I do. I've learned in the past year and a half that what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger. In the beg I used to cry a lot even at the sound of her name to my ears. Now its a little more under control but its still hard. The major holidays like mohters day and her birthday and my birthday and what not. You guys are right the major milestones that we all go through like marriage, and graduation and whatnot are the hardest but they are always with us. No matter what. I'm a 19 year old sophmore in college and I wouldn't be here without the love and support of my friends and family. I know they might not know what to say sometimes but they are the ones that will help the most and when you look back in time you will realize you wouldn't have been able to do it without them. I have a facebook group for my mom if anyone wants to read it, it just might help you. I also read a lot of quotes so i'll post a website to a lot of inspiring grieving quotes that helped me and made me feel a little better. Peace, Love, Happiness.!/group.php?gid=163304312588&ref=search

Tomorrow is my moms 53rd birthday. Happy Birthday Mommy, I love you and miss you soo much

    Bookmark   August 28, 2010 at 11:43PM
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I miss my mom too. she passed away 1 year back due to stroke & bateria infection. My heart is still bleeding from losing her. feeling so empty.

    Bookmark   February 28, 2011 at 3:04PM
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my mom passed away like a twon months ago .. i'm still havin a really hard time with it.... my dad seems fine .. i'm 18 .. she was gna be 40 this year... she died from a stroke .. it has been really hard for to go home and sleep at home .. and go to school all i wanna do is run away but that anit the right thing to do right now i'm ingaged and my fiance and i and tryin to work on this together .. but he really don't unstand my pain

    Bookmark   March 17, 2011 at 2:19PM
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I lost my mom about a month ago. Actually, both of parents were ill. My dad being the worst, yet he is recovering nicely and my mother never did. She died of a relapse of sepsis. She seemed to have been a little depressed, which did not help. I miss her and love her very much. This is tough when you lose a loved one, however the prayers that I have been receiving have helped tremendiously.

    Bookmark   March 17, 2011 at 2:55PM
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I lost my mom to cancer 3 1/2 years ago although it seems like just yesterday, I just shake my head sometimes when I realize just how long she has been gone. I was so close to her she was my best friend, always will be. I just lost my dad 2 months ago too, I just can't believe that they are now both gone. I want to hug them again talk to them face to face. My biggest issue that I am having, is moving on with my life with having a boyfriend getting close to someone just dating, I want get married some day but I feel like I lost half myself when my mom died and now not feeling that great since my dad died. I'm only 34 and both are gone. How can I get past feeling this way? I know that both my parents want me to get on with my life find someone get married and have a family, I want to move on but how?

    Bookmark   May 6, 2011 at 4:40AM
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I feel for every one out there that has lost there mother. There is onley one u have and if you lose here I tell u now there's not a minute ov the day that goes by that I don't think ov here! My mum was in a wheelchair, she was paralized from her waist down, she didn't hav help raising me she was basicly on her own with my dad working away to support us. I was an onley child so most of the time it was just me an my mum on our ownshe was my mother,not onley that she was my best friend. She was 48 when she passed away, I as 20. She whent into hospital for a kidney infection, 6 months later she died from cdiff a bug she caught in there an never recovered from. After here passing my dad has found another women. An it's as if nobody cares but it been 3 years now, an were as everybody has just carried on with there live I CAN'T ! I realy can't! People say it gets beta it doesn't people say that because they dnt kno wot 2 say! I can tell you know losing your mum( best friend) is the worst thing in the world no matter who is there for you there is nothing that can replace! I always have an always will love my mother, and I am grateful for the 20 years I have spent with her. An I hope one day we shal meet again. Ifeel sympothey for people that hav lost there's to. All that I can say is remember the good times an be proud to to that she was my mum. I am in tears writing this an it feels gd 2 have a gd talk. Don't hold it in let it out an be proud :) x x

    Bookmark   July 9, 2011 at 7:51PM
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