My Mom Passed Away
I know what all of you are going through and I sympathize. My mom just passed away 3 weeks ago at the age of 50. She had a horrible autoimmune disease called Scleroderma, and she suffered tremendously the past few months. It was horrible watching her with such pain and sadness. In the end she couldnt breathe on her own anymore because she had a severe lung condition. She spent the last month of her life in the hospital, and things just went downhill. She had to be put on life support and we had to make the decision to turn the machines off because the doctor said there was just no hope anymore. We were with her when she passed, in the hospital room. I am grateful for her suffering to be over, but now our suffering has truly begun. We have to adjust to a life without her in it. ItÂs also painful because she had to spend her 50th birthday in the hospital, as well as Christmas. She passed away on New YearÂs Day, so that day will never be an exciting holiday for me again. Sometimes I still canÂt believe it, and I expect to see her come around the corner when I get home. What hurts me the most is that I feel cheated. She was so young and had so many years left to live. She never got to see me or my brother get married, or got the chance to become a grandmother. She was so excited to experience those things, and now she will never get the chance. It hurts me to see my dad go through this too, as he just lost his father 11 months ago. This whole experience seems like a nightmare, but one where I canÂt wake up. My mom was my best friend, and the kindest person I have ever known. I know she is happy in heaven and that does give me some comfort, but being that IÂm only 22 years old, it hurts me so much that I have to live the rest of my life without her. I have so much to look forward to in my life, but I know as each milestone occurs there will be great sadness too, as I will wish my mom could be there to share in my joy. Sometimes life just doesnÂt seem fair, and I know that you all understand where IÂm coming from. I know time will help heal some of the wounds, but itÂs impossible to get over losing her. I hope to see "signs" of her presence as some of you indicate you have experienced with your own moms. I want to feel close to her even though I know she is physically gone.