We lost our Daughter (LO-O-N-NG)

shirleyinadirondacksJanuary 23, 2005

on December 15th. She lived in Kentucky and we live in NY. Neither Rollie,or I were feeling well, I had heart thingys done in Jan, this year. We didn't go down when they found her passed out in the parking lot at work. She never regained consousness. She fell on Monday and died on Wednesday. One of her sons and family lives in the same house as we do. We all are dirt poor, but our whole family rallied together to get them down there.

Her oldest son had just moved down with her in November. Our youngest son and his family live just ten minutes away from her.

there were people out the ying yang here during that week and then we had a memorial for her. The church was packed.

Then the doctor tolds me I had to have a stint put in my heart and the following week they told my sister that she had to too.

What I'm trying to say, is, it doesn't feel real to me. I get weepy, but the awful devastion i expected hasn't happened. I miss her mostly on weekends cause that's when we usually talked.

Our oldest son has to have a serious op on his stomach and he also lost his eye sight. He's got most of his vision back, but it was worrisome.

I'm sorry, I'm rambling but I can't seem to get it all straight in my head. Shelly was only 47 and she had made such bad choices with men. She had a lazy husband for 20 years. she worked as many as four jobs at a time to support them. And the men she took up with after Karl were not any better.

I gotta go


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I am very sorry for your loss, but please take consolation that you will be with her again. God Bless, and I will keep you and the rest of your family in my prayers. Sandy

    Bookmark   January 23, 2005 at 4:20PM
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Shirley, I'm so very sorry. I can certainly understand you still being in shock and possibly even denial this soon afterwards and with the medical problems that you all had during that time. Please continue to post and maybe we can help you with your feelings as time goes on.

    Bookmark   January 23, 2005 at 8:17PM
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Hi, "It's me again, Margaret"

we love Ray Stevens espically the above quote.

What I was trying to say in my long ramble, yesterday, is it normal to not seem to feel anything? I don't feel numb, but it's like I'm not grieving at all. Just that she was someone I knew casually. That sounds so cold and unfeeling, but I can't seem to accept that she's dead. Just that she's out of reach of the phone.

I've asked my DD-I-L to send me a copy of her death certificate. Do you think that will make it more real? I know I should be feeling something but I don't. Maybe it's just the ops we've had and life going on.

Any thoughts at all?


    Bookmark   January 24, 2005 at 8:35AM
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Shirley, we all walk our grief path as individuals. Whatever you are or are not feeling right now is normal for you. From reading your posts I think maybe you have an awful lots of things going on right now that are distracting you from your loss. You may also be in shock, or numb, or in denial--your mind is protecting you from reality.

Be gentle with yourself. Try to avoid preconceived notions of how you SHOULD feel or think. When you're ready to feel differently, you will.

And we will be here to listen.
And we will understand.

    Bookmark   January 24, 2005 at 10:37AM
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Shirley, I am so sorry...things have been so very difficult for you on top of this loss of your daughter. The numbness you feel is normal....and in addition so much is also going on, you have not had time to allow your grief the time it needs. I hope you come here often and share what you are feeling. People in here really care...


    Bookmark   January 25, 2005 at 9:36PM
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Nell Jean

Bless your heart. There's no pattern that any of us have to follow. When a tragedy happens, sometimes we have so much to do that it seems like a dream that we just walk through, doing the next task and the next and the next. The grief process isn't something that happens a month ago and in a few weeks it's all over. Life has its ups and downs and so will you. Taking each step and each day and each week gets you through. It sounds as if you're a bunch of caring people and taking care of one another as best you can.


    Bookmark   January 26, 2005 at 12:44AM
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Shirley, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's normal to feel numb and in shock -- almost "detached" -- initially. It's the body's way of coping. Sometimes we accept it in stages. Everyone is different and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Also, with all the health problems you are experiencing, you are not feeling well physically, to start with. That has a tremendous effect on the body.

    Bookmark   January 26, 2005 at 2:54AM
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