i lost my mom dec 31

catlady15January 28, 2005

and i am still crying and very lonely.my dh side of the family grieve different.they don't cry when they lose a love one so they can't understand why i can't go back to church right now or why i cry.i feel so so empty.one thing i will share i had a bad child hood.my mom didn't show me love but before the end me and mom got real close and i want that now.i want more and can't get it.my heart is aching.can anyone understand me.thanks and love judy.

let me add this one sunday we had christmas with her than that next friday nite she died.i have a real good pic of me and my mom that was made that sunday.she died of congested heart failure and she was 73.that is why folks said well she lived her life it was her time to go but that hurts me because no matter what their age is we still want them here.I am making a memory book of her with the funeral pics and cards i received and things of mom's i got and it is helping also to work on it and fix each page cute.but i cry and cry and the dr gave me med but trust me not no med can stop the hurt.

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Leogirl

Catlady - I'm so sorry for your loss and for the pain you are suffering. Everyone handles their grief differently so don't feel any need to apologize if you aren't handling this the way other folks think you should. I'm sorry you had a bad childhood and that you didn't have enough happy time with your Mom before she had to go. 73 is not old - I am 45 but my husband was 19 years older than me. As a result I have made friends of all ages and I've known some 80 year olds that were a heck of a lot more fun and had more going on than some of the 35 year olds! When people tell me he is in a better place now I just smile and say I know he is but I'm not. He kind of liked the place he was in before, you know? Anyway, people mean well and in the awkwardness of the situation they may say things that rub you the wrong way. Let yourself cry and realize your loss; I think that's the only way to move forward and be emotionally healthy. The memory book gives you something to do that feels productive and, if you are like me, it feels like you are doing something for her. It will be a treasure for you to keep. If you absolutely must take meds to deal with this then by all means do it. But remember when you do stop using the meds you still will have to face your loss and deal with your feelings. Do you have a good support system within your family or with friends? If you do please utilize them. I have a close friend who didn't have a good childhood and she grieves for that and she grieves for the fact that she feels she didn't give her kids a good childhood. We do the best we can do at the time. Sometimes it isn't good enough and sometimes other people think it isn't the best we have but they just don't really know. If you can get into counseling you might try that; I think it has helped me at times. I'll remember you in my prayers.

    Bookmark   January 28, 2005 at 3:47PM
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catlady15

thank you for a beautiful note.your words were amazing,I was mistreated by my dad if you can get the pic and than he died,i lost my oldest sister,than now my mom.but i have forgave my dad and i love all of them.i have 1 brother and 3 living sisters.,2 younger than me and than a older sister.my older sister is very good for me to talk to.we all get alone.my brother too was bad to me growing up.but i have a wonderful husband of 22 years and a 16 year old daughter whom i homeschool and she and i are best of friends and me and my husband and daughter are best of friends.i am thankful for all this and don't get me wrong my dear Mother n law and sister n law on my husband side are real close to me but my husband family just takes death as a family reunion when someone dies.they never cry and i cry alot.i not went back to church because it hurts so much.but i know it will take time.my mom loved birds so i went out this week searching for birds to place on her grave.i keep mom,dad and sister grave fixed and cleaned.i never had any help with my dad or sister but they promise to help me on mom;s.my dad sexual abuse all of us,and it has been hard.,but i have forgaven him even though he didn't ask me but for me to be able to face each day i had too.thanks for listening.hugs judy

    Bookmark   January 28, 2005 at 9:44PM
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DianePA

((((((Judy))))))) I don't know what to say, except I'm sorry!! I've read your posts over at the KT , if i'm not mistaken, you have been going through a lot of health problems too, said prayers for you. I can't post over at the KT, I'm not a paid member, but glad your doing much better healthwise too.
We all grieve in our own way, no right or wrong way! My mom's been gone for going on 8 yrs, sure do miss her and my dad too, he's been gone almost 14 yrs. glad you joined us here, but sorry you had to lose a loved one to join us here! Mine sure others will be along that are much better with words than I am!!! DianePA

    Bookmark   January 28, 2005 at 9:52PM
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Leogirl

Judy, I'm sorry for what you have been through. I admire your courage - and I know it took that for you to be able to forgive and move forward. Stay strong - you may think you aren't strong right now but I've had to learn that crying is not an indication of weakness. You are doing more than just functioning and that takes strength. God bless you.

    Bookmark   January 29, 2005 at 6:21AM
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des_arc_ya_ya

Hi, Judy! I think Leogirl said it very well. You ARE doing more than just functioning. Give yourself some time. It hasn't been very long. ((Judy))

    Bookmark   February 2, 2005 at 3:25AM
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