Spending time with granddaughter

thecoolgmomAugust 28, 2007

hello - I'm new here and have a question for all you seasoned grandparents. I have an extremely close relationship with both of my sons and think I do with my DDIL as well. I live about 32 miles from them and getting over there is difficult with traffic. Her mom, her real dad and my ex all drop in on them several x's during the week- usually unannounced. I am the only one who calls to 'make an appt' or make special arrangements to come over. I sit for them when the sitter cannot and will cancel my plans to do so. I never offer advice - ever - and am a great gramma - in their words - and have looked forward to this darling little girl for a long time. When I do want to come over my DDIL says she will 'get back to me' after checking her schedule and never does. She teaches school and is a real doll and I love her dearly. I'm not sure why she never gets back to me since she gets back to everyone - this has gone on since the baby was born. I feel like I always have to make a special appt. and only get to see her a couple times a month or so. I get the feeling she doesn't want to share the baby since I've asked repeatedly this summer to take the baby to the zoo, etc. but when I call to see if we can go she says 'well, we already went this week'. Hmm... - (I'll continue this in next posting)

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thecoolgmom

So, I know I'm probably being a bit too sensitive about this but life is short and I do want to spend time with my DGD as babies grow up so quickly. My son is usually the one who has to make arrangements for me to come over. I know my DDIL loves me and we get along so well and always have but I feel this 'thing' since the baby has been born -sort of a possessiveness - but only with me. I've read a few of your postings and I have enjoyed the wisdom of some of you grandparents out there. My kids did not get to enjoy the closeness of grandparents nor did I so it is important for me to experience this as well as to have my granddaughter experience it via me. I love being a grandparent and have 3 step grandchildren that I adore but don't get to see too often. Any help?

    Bookmark   August 28, 2007 at 5:44PM
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bswesley

Your not being overly sensitive. If it was my self I would be feeling the same way. It sounds like you need to have a talk with your DDIL, Tell her how you feel. Maybe she will share what's on her mind with you, talking it out can resolve the situation.

    Bookmark   August 29, 2007 at 2:02PM
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thecoolgmom

Thank you bswesley - I've been thinking lately that I need to do exactly that- have a talk with her. The rest of our family - my sibs - don't get along and some of her mom's family don't either so she knows how important family relationships are. She knows the struggles I go through even trying to see my mom (my sister keeps my mother from me - looong story!) and if I can't see my granddaughter often it really tears me up. It's possible she isn't aware of her behavior - I don't know. She is easy to talk to so I do think I will talk with her. Neither of us like bad feelings at all and they enjoy knowing they can count on me for being available to sit when the sitter can't - but I also want to see the baby on my time as well and while she is a baby and so cute. Thanks for 'listening' :)

    Bookmark   August 30, 2007 at 1:00AM
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eileenlamp

Oh yes, please talk to her...and remember, don't ever think of it as confronting her...it's not a confrontation..just a simple talk. Maybe she's this way because she feels that you "pull away a bit" by not stopping in like the other family members? Just a thought, but since you get along well, I'll bet it's something as simple as this and you can iron out the problem right away.
Eileen

    Bookmark   August 31, 2007 at 3:01AM
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moimoismeemaw

Are you sure she is possessive of the granddaughter? Maybe she is jealous of the relationship you have with your son. She may feel that she cannot measure up and be as good a parent as you. She may also not have the strength to keep her family at bay.

    Bookmark   September 8, 2007 at 11:36AM
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Jonesy

I agree with the poster above. I would have a talk with my son and ask him to be very honest about the situation. I don't care how much I loved my grandchild, I will not go where I am not wanted. My daughter in law was so jealous of the relationship I had with my son, she set out to destroy it and destroy she did.

    Bookmark   September 13, 2007 at 4:46PM
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marry

Please talk with your daughter in law. It might really pave the way to more time spent with your granddaughter! Maybe you could ask if you could set up some regular visit with Grandma time? That's what we did.
We live an hour away from our granddaughter and for at least the last year had been going to pick her up on Thursday afternoons and she comes and spends the night. Or if we are lucky, several nights. Our daughter is still a full time college student(she's 26) and works two jobs. Right now we have our grandaughter anywhere from 4 to 6 days a week. I'd rather watch her than have her have to go to daycare! She'll be 2 in Nov. and she is so much fun! We are really lucky getting to spend this much time with her!

    Bookmark   September 25, 2007 at 5:28PM
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