I miss my Pal, best friend, Father.

CaBritJanuary 31, 2005

My father died 21 years ago when I was 19. We lived together (my Mother had split up with him) and I stayed with him. Time helps but it doesn't heal. I still find it terribly difficult to talk about it all, and when I do find someone who I can open up to ... they seem to just fade away. He died a horrible death (as if there could be a good one !!) from Cancer. I miss him terribly, and wish he could see the things I have achieved and done. He was my Teacher at school until I was 17. In many ways far more than just a Father. I love hime dearly.

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I'm so sorry for the pain you still are experiencing. How did you deal with your loss at the time it happened? I wonder if you didn't deal with it at all and maybe that is why it still hurts so much? I really can't say, just a thought. If that is the case you may need counseling to help you and you may have to approach it as if it just happened? Regardless, I hope you find your peace somehow. My Dad died 8 years ago from the complications of Alzheimer's and, like cancer, that is a horrible, horrible ending. By the time of his death he couldn't communicate with us, couldn't eat, couldn't do anything but lay there and make a constant noise that I can't even describe. My husband's death was sudden and unexpected and I have to say that I am glad he didn't suffer for long if at all. I just had a thought: why don't you see if in your community there is a bereavement group that meets. Usually there is a contact and you could maybe call and see if they think it would be ok for you to come even though it has been a while since your loss. After all, there really is no end to a loss, is there? It's pretty much there forever. Good luck to you -

    Bookmark   January 31, 2005 at 4:03PM
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I can certainly understand the pain still being there even after 21 years. I just don't feel that it is abnormal. When we love someone so very much, it's so hard to live without them. I think it's especially hard if our memories are tainted with horrible circumstances surrounding their deaths. My 19 year old daughter was killed senselessly trying to save a dog's life and my mom left us this past June 3 from an Alzheimer's related trauma. My life will never be the same and I'm sure that even after 21 years I will still feel the sting.
You are not alone. This is one of my many pictures of my precious daughter, Christin.

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site

    Bookmark   January 31, 2005 at 8:47PM
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You are not alone. My mother died almost 20 years ago of pancreatic cancer, I was only 24 with 2 small boys. We were very very close. I think sometimes when certain things happen in our lives we miss them more. I still have a terrible ache for my mom to this day that will never go away. I lost my dad a year 1/2 ago and watched the strongest man I know suffer.
On Thanksgiving this year we lost our 12 year old nephew to a drunk driver and I realized something, that if you love someone the pain is the same at any age. Without grief we don't know love and I think that is a good thing, to know you were loved and that you loved back is most important of all.
This is a good site to post your feelings you are not alone.
Take care, Ronnie

    Bookmark   February 1, 2005 at 4:13PM
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