Young grandparents

lollie_1973August 18, 2008

I have just been told that my 17 and half year old son and his very immature girlfriend are having a baby and she is 5 months gone! I am only 35 and my husband is 38 and I am devastated to say the least. I know that when the baby arrives we will love him/her but I cannot accept myself as a "grandparent" as I am still raising my other 3 children who are aged between 15 and 6 years old.

On top of this his girlfriend is still young and I am having a terrible time dealing with it all, they never told iether of us parents until she was 5 months gone so it has quite literally hit us like a bomb!

Has this been the case for anyone else or we the only ones to be in this type of situation and to feel this way?

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I wouldn't have any problem being a grandparent that young, but would have a problem if I had to raise the child.

    Bookmark   August 18, 2008 at 3:13PM
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My daughter made me a grandmother at the age of 38 and even though I didn't think I was ready for it either, I've overlooked all the trials and tribulations of being a young grandparent. My youngest child was 9 at the time, and I thought it would be even harder to deal with. However, my daughter's motherly instincts kicked in and it has worked out. Now, I try to make the most of the time that I'm given to enjoy and cherish my grandson. I still work, be a housewife and mother. I still cherish every moment that no one can duplicate or take away. These times are only once and once only. Be happy that in your youth you are still able to keep up with a grandchild and enjoy the interaction versus being older and having to sit on the sidelines and only watch. Good luck and best wishes on your new memories!

    Bookmark   August 20, 2008 at 6:36PM
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I just became a grandma at 42 last month. I am a scant 18 months older than my mom was when she had me. It feels weird to say the least.

Your grandbaby doesn't care how old you are, and doesn't care how old his or her parents are. Your grandbaby needs a family that will love and cherish them.

If I was twenty years older, I wouldn't be able to "kidnap" my grandbaby as I've been doing and take him overnight. I suppose I still could but I'd suppose my recovery time would be longer lol

I don't really like other peoples babies, however, I love my grandson like he was my own child. Islegirl is correct, that motherly instinct does kick in again. I am eternally grateful though that I get to give him back again the next day :~)

    Bookmark   August 31, 2008 at 2:13PM
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Presumably if you are only 35 and the mother of a 17 1/2 y.o, then you were pregnant at 17 too. How did _your_ mother react to being a relatively young grandmother?

    Bookmark   September 1, 2008 at 2:37AM
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Is it a little odd that your concern about your 17 1/2 yr. old son and his immature younger girlfriend having a child is about you? Your concern is that you're going to be a grandmother, not that your child is going to be a father and the baby is going to be the product of a teen/teen hormonal shack-up (sorry to be blunt; perhaps they really do care about each other). I also calculated how old you must've been when you had your son. Maybe you are worried about the other aspects of this and just decided to post about how difficult it is to admit that you're about to become a grandmother. But I think that your thoughts are ill-placed. Just MHO.


    Bookmark   September 6, 2008 at 11:30PM
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Get over it. Sorry to sound so abrupt, but you are going to be a grandparent whether you like it or not.

How did your parents take your announcement of pregnancy?

I grew up in a big family where the kids had uncles and aunts who were younger than they were and the world did NOT come to an end.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2008 at 2:30AM
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I think your worries about being a young grandma will be the LEAST of your worries in the months/years to come.

I think it's time to dig deep within yourself. Find some support...maybe a few visits with a counselor or minister to get you to start thinking rationally about how this will affect your family.

Prepare to be the best kind of support to this little baby. He or she never asked to be born, has teenagers as parents and is gonna need you BIGTIME. I suggest you huddle with the girl's mother and start strategizing about how to give this baby every good opportunity. This is an opportunity for great job and great personal growth.

Good luck, Grandma.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2008 at 10:32PM
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I am 39 and became a GRANDMOTHER "AMA" 6 weeks ago.... And I love it....I never knew I would feel like this.. she has giving me my spunk back... I am decorating my yard for the holiday's just for her... I am decorating around the house just for her... and I have taken soooo many pictures of her... I have been truely blessed by her... NOW... is it easy? No... but anything worth while take time and work... I have worked hard with the relationship with the mother... and still working... Determination and Prayer is what it takes.... Imbrace It... The baby will need all the love from everyone to make it in this world....
Just want to share that this is the first time to visit here in the "grandparents" forum... and saw and read this post... had to reply...
here is my new life.... I took this picture yesterday.... Her first weekend with us!


    Bookmark   October 6, 2008 at 10:11PM
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I am 42 and a step grandmother to kids ranging from 18 to 2. 6 kids in total. We have custody of 2 of the grandkids. A 10 and 12 year old.

You should not look at it like you are a grandmother at a young age. You need to woory more about that child growing up and if the parents are not able to raise it will you be willing to step in? The 2 that live with us are with us bacause mom is in prison and dad is just gone. We have perm custody of them. This is very hard on all of us. Heck I have a 16 and 13 year old myself. I would say that what you see as a problem should be a blessing.

Love the new baby that is coming. If you are worried about being called grandma. Their are so many options out there. Nana, nanny or something that is unique to just you. When I had my first child my step mother was 36, she could not wait for the chance to spoil that new baby. Never did she worry about being a grandmother at a young age. So get off that idea and move on the little one that is going to be here in 4 or so months.

    Bookmark   October 6, 2008 at 11:27PM
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I am also a young Grandma, My first was born just after my 40th birthday. They are the loves of my life. Having grandchildren is much better than having your own. LOL Which I didn't think was possible=)

Worring about being a young grandparent is silly. Especially when they are that young and having children, there are so many other things to worry about, besides the fact that you are only 35 and have 2 young children of your own.

There will also be tons of other problems as the parents get older, because really they are not ready and the older they get the more they will start to resent having the kids and then oops here comes another one. My grandchildren were also my life, my life revolved around them. Then they took them away from me and I rarely get to see them. It is sad and heartbreaking, but it also pushed me to do more things, like volunteer, take classes that interest me, so I have a pretty full life and I am very busy. So now when they call and want me to babysit or run something over to them etc... I am not always available.

I met a woman at the park with her grandchildren, she was probably 70, but when she notice my GD calling me grandma she said I was lucky to be so young and that she had been begging her daughter to have children before she got to old to enjoy them. Then the childrens mom came over and she was about my age. So feel lucky.

Just know that having grandchildren can be heartbreaking, especially when the parents are so young, but it is really, really wonderful.

    Bookmark   October 10, 2008 at 9:04PM
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It can be odd to be a young grandparent.

I had mr grandbabykins in the grocery store with me and we ran into someone my age who also had a baby with her. I didn't remember her, but she remembered me by name and asked about my new baby. When I corrected her and said this was my grandbaby and I was so glad I was past that, she told me that the baby that was with her was her own, not a grandbaby.

I do keep mr babykins over night about three times per month. It is MUCH easier to stay up and get up all night at 18 than it is 42.

    Bookmark   October 18, 2008 at 8:17PM
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I loved all of your posts. I was a little disconcerted too when my 20 year old and her long time bf (who I adore) came to me and said "mommy, were having a baby" and I said "go pack your bags and come back when your married" and so one week later I was the happiest and proudest mom in the world standing by my daughter's side while she married her hs sweetheart in the eyes of our Savior.

Now she is living on her own with her new hubby (who is a serviceman and works full time and is in college) and expecting my little granddaughter (who will be my name sake) and everything is wonderful. I too am only 38. I had my daughter when I was 17 and by the time I was 21 I had three. Guess what?? I NEVER REGRETTED having my children young once and so after dealing with being a grandma at 38 (pride, vanity, and all that good stuff) I just decided to totally embrace it.

After all, I know these two loving ppl will be excellent parents. So it wasn't about having a grand that bothered me it was being a grand myself!!! lol

With love, God and a supportive family these seemingly immature ppl will do a good job. My daughter was very immature and a little self centered (thanks to me because I spoiled and sheltered mine a little bit) but since she has progressed in her pregnancy and married my son-in-law I have seen a whole new side to her, a side I knew was always there.

Stay involved, be loving and supportive and try not to be too overly critical. Also, I strongly suggest being a united front with the young ladies parents.
And above all please remember that every child is a blessing from the Lord and has a true and meaningful purpose on this earth!! Good luck!


    Bookmark   February 25, 2009 at 11:54AM
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My ex-MIL was 46 when our first child was born, and she said she was just too young to be a grandmother, so she ignored our three children. Now, 31 years later, she wonders why they don't care at all about her.

My parents, on the other hand, were wonderful grandparents and my kids loved them as much as they were loved. We all still miss them, terribly.

I have two grandchildren, and I can't believe how lucky I am. What a gift. I regret that I'm "so old", at 62, that I probably won't see my great grandchildren.

To be a witness to the continuing circle of life, from my grandparents to my grandchildren is truly amazing.

    Bookmark   February 26, 2009 at 6:40PM
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I was 32yrs. old when my son made me a grandma and let me tell you,I was so excited about the baby. My son was only 15yrs. old and let me tell you,I so disappointed with him. Kids having kids. Never, did I feel that I was too young to be a grandma. Here I am 52yrs. old and I have 5 grandchildren and let me tell you I wouldn't change a thing. Yes, I would of loved for my grandchildren,maybe come a little later,but I am so happy to have them in my life. I hope you can enjoy yours like I am now. Grammah

    Bookmark   March 2, 2009 at 11:40PM
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