How do I discipline ......

deb_paAugust 7, 2003

and not hurt the child's feelings? Here's the situation. My son and DIL separated in Nov.. My son moved home and every weekend the two grandkids come here. They are 5 and 7. Because my son misses his kids so much he allows them anything and everything. If they fight, which they do about 50 times a day, he just tries to get them interested in something else. No matter when or what they want to eat he gives it to them. I think he feels that if he corrects them too much they won't want to come and see him, nothing could be further from the truth, they adore their Daddy. I have them this week for a little summer vacation and every time I try to correct them they get this big hurt look on their faces that breaks my heart. The fighting between them is the worst. Yesterday I told them if they fought one more time I would separate them for the day and they couldn't play together the rest of the day. It worked. No more fights all day. At bedtime, the 7 year old wanted a snack, she had already had 2 so I said "no". Tears, tears, tears. I sent her to bed anyway but felt terrible about it. What I am afraid of is if we are strict and Mommy isn't then as the kids get older they won't want to come for visits. I have seen this happen before, kids getting to be teenagers and only wanting to be with the parent that lets them run wild. How do I discipline without being a meany?

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mariend

Sit down with your son and establish some rules. There is no reason to let this kids rule you and your son. This is your home and you set the rules. Chrildren need guidance and disapline with love. Curious, why did your son move back home? You might want to encourage him to find his own place. At this age 5 & 7, they will test both of you.
Marie

    Bookmark   August 11, 2003 at 9:53PM
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jenn

These kids are craving structure and boundaries, lovingly but firmly applied. Believe me, if they don't learn to respect rules and the word "no", then you won't want them around when they get older. The tears after hearing no are an attempt to get something, not real hurt or harm. Be loving and firm. You are only responsible for how you treat them, not for how their mother treats them when they are with her. Someone has to teach them right from wrong.

And yes, talk to your son about this.

    Bookmark   August 12, 2003 at 10:40AM
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deb_pa

Marie, son moved home for financial reasons. He was laid off from his job for about 8 months and he and wifey diecided to open his own business. He got a business loan and bought all the equipment and was building up a nice clientel when wifey ran off with an Internet boyfriend. At this point he just can't afford the $1000 a month child support/alimony + $750 house payment and the business loan payment. So he does the support/alimony + the business loan. Had to sell the house. He is trying to save for a cheaper place, but it takes time especially paying lawyers. The courts decided his payments according to "potential income" not "real income". Plus Hubby and I had 3 empty bedrooms and we all are emotionally devastated with the pending divorce. It is very messy.

    Bookmark   August 12, 2003 at 7:30PM
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