Ready to give up

lazylanerJuly 20, 2002

Will try to keep this short. Son & his wife belong to a religous group that borders on being a cult. They live only an hour's drive away and have 4 children. We rarely see them and here's why: when we go there, we are treated like dirt by both the parents (because we aren't "saved")and the kids. The kids are mean and disrespectful (hitting, punching, sarcastic, etc. to us)and we suspect they've picked up the message from their parents that because we aren't members of their church, we are worthless.

Last saw them 7 months ago and we have no plans to subject ourselves to that treatment ever again.

Meanwhile, we are the "absent grandparents" and will remain so until things change.

Other than keeping our distance, do you have any ideas?

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So sorry to hear about this situation. I think I would have to come to the same decision you already have. The only thing that I would do is to try and keep in touch w/ the kids by mail or telephone. If the kids are rude on the phone, I would use US mail. Perhaps you can send them cards for special holidays or just "thinking of you" cards and notes. You know, as they grow up ( don't know how old they are now ) they may indeed see what their parents have wreaked and want to re establish contact with you.

Don't you wish you could just grab that "kid" of yours and smack him upside his head? And ask him just what the heck does he think he is doing??

Best wishes and thinking good thoughts for you.
One other thing to remember... nothing stays the same. There is always hope, but sometimes it seems to take a looong time.

    Bookmark   July 20, 2002 at 11:59PM
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I think I would stay away too. Call the kids just to chat from time to time on special days. Let them know that you are thinking about them. But visiting them is something else. By going, you are allowing them to treat you badly and the children do not need to see this. Don't give them the chance to be rude to you. As the children grow, they may be smart enough to figure a few things out for themselves.

Are you in a position where you can invite the children separatly to spend a weekend with you? We always make a point of trying to keep a grand on his or her birthday weekend. (either before or after) It makes that child feel special and it allows us to get to know the individual a little better. Maybe a little shopping trip to pick out the birthday gift. They like that better than getting something that they don't want. A teenager would appreciate picking out clothes. (be sure to set a price limit before hand.) More than one child at a time is a problem for us. So in addition to the special weekend, they take turns coming over and spending the night. This works out to about one child per month.

If they have special food likes, that's what I am going to cook regardless of what it is. If they want hot dogs and chips for breakfast...that's what they get. These weekends are for them to enjoy being with us.

There's always the chance that the parents will lose interest in this particular group. But for now, I would forget about the parents. You don't need to be treated like that.

    Bookmark   July 21, 2002 at 7:16AM
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Thank you for the responses. Sometimes there's a tendency to "second guess" our own decision about it. I appreciate your suggestions-sounds like there's some good alternatives offered. And yes, Brooklyn Girl, I sure DO sometimes want to "smack him upside the head." All the more so because this son has an extremely high I.Q.-unfortunately his brain's turned to 90% mush and is, instead, filled w/all the bizarre beliefs the pastor shovels out.

    Bookmark   July 24, 2002 at 9:02AM
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Pray and let God straighten them out. Even though this group is a bad influence, the good Lord can remind them of a rule of his " Honor thy father and thy mother".

    Bookmark   July 26, 2002 at 12:51AM
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Is there a pastor/counselor that is familiar with cults in your area/church. Sometimes talking to a person will give you insights and confidence to you that will help and guide you. Keep them in your prayers, but hold strong on your beliefs and convicitons. Put them in a prayer circle, if you wish. My thoughts are with you and your family.

    Bookmark   July 26, 2002 at 4:07PM
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Got a call last week from DIL, asking us to give them $500 for a "modelling fee" for their 10-year old. Next question asked if I'd take over her daycare for a few days while she goes into the hospital for elective surgery. I said "no" to both questions;for one thing, I wouldn't throw $500 away on bogus "modeling agencies," nor would I, since I am disabled, even consider trying to take over a daycare center. Guess I'll REALLY be on the _hit list now-but ask me if I care.

    Bookmark   October 5, 2002 at 8:40PM
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So they treat you like dirt yet call you to hit you up for money? That's really nice of them.

Any religion that does not teach tolerance for other religions is the reason why parts of our world are on the brink of armageddon. It's also the reason Osama Bin Laden and the Taliban killed 3000 Americans.

    Bookmark   October 7, 2002 at 10:29AM
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Often, people's actions contradict their religion, and it is possible that your children are concerned for your spiritual life and do not know how to express that concern....I would try to find out exactly what the 'church' your children are going to does teach...have you ever visited the church yourself?
The only reason I say this is that many many GOOD, Bible-believing churches use the term 'saved' meaning delivered from eternal condemnation through faith in Jesus Christ. These churches are not cults. However they are made up of human beings who are trusting in Christ for their salvation, but sometimes do not follow His example in their life.
Don't give up on this situation. God loves all of you and has a plan for your lives. It is worth the effort to find out what His plan is and that is how your family can achieve harmony again.
Please email me. I have been in a similar situation. I looked quickly to find something on the internet about divided families and there is something on this page below for everyone...I hope you will soon be having happier days...

Here is a link that might be useful: What It Means to be a Christian

    Bookmark   October 10, 2002 at 11:15AM
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