I am brand new to this site and posting to this forum. I am glad I found it though because I have something that has been troubling me and would like other's opinions.
We are the very happy grandparents of twin 3 year old granddaughters. When they were first born we were so excited since they were our first. (the other grandparents already had 2 older grandchildren) But we soon realized that our DIL's parents were to be the first and foremost in their lives. I must admit that I sort of suspected this from the beginning. They were always called to babysit, the Grandmom was always at the house, etc. When we were around, and I asked to help with them, I was usually told by my DIL "No, that's okay, I can do it" or My Mom is here to help". That statement still continues today and I used to wonder if it was something I had done although we do take the girls on outings now more than before.
I started to hear from Grandmom things like, "I want to be the fun grand mom", "When they are at my house I let them do whatever they want", etc. If it is any meal time, she immediately says: "Let Grandmom help you" and she sits down and feeds them to the point that when she is not around, they ask for someone to "help them" eat. My DIL can't hand them an item without saying: Grandmom bought this for you. If you compliment the girls on an outfit, they tell you that Grandmom bought it which seems to be a lot of their clothing and accessories. (my son & DIL certainly can afford their clothes so that is not the issue). We stopped buying clothes for them early on because we had purchased outfits for a holiday of which they were going to be with us but were asked to return them because Grandmom had already bought them. If the girls are spending time with us, Grandmom calls me on the phone and wants to talk to them or me about what they are doing. When she talks to them, the conversation usually goes: Grandmom misses you soooo much. We recently had them on vacation for a few days and of course we received the phone call and she wanted FaceTime with them. We both live close by so that is not the issue either. She calls and talks to them everyday. Most holidays, birthdays, etc. are spent with my DIL's side of the family and it almost seems like a treat for us to spend time with them.
Well, I don't want to rant but I just feel like the Grandmom constantly is a presence as if she is afraid the girls will get close to us. We don't do that to her and wouldn't. One of the girls is now into throwing tantrums - today she hit me and wouldn't come near me. (her parents did correct her)
I keep my mouth closed, and pray every day that this will all change. Thanks for any thoughts you have.