Need advice on boundaries
Our second Grandchild will be born this Saturday and I am in a dilemna- when the first one was born we were overjoyed- we wanted to do everything right and was accused of doing everything wrong and being overbearing- that was 2 years ago. They are having their second child and we want a different outcome. We tried the first time to be respectful of their time alone as a family by not spending too much time at the hospital although our daughter in laws parents were there from sun up to sundown. When they came home from the hospital we only found out by accident and guess who took them home? Her parents. Before the baby came we did everything for them they asked cleaned the house , painted the nursery everything but once the baby got here she wanted us no where near the child. Her parents were at the house all hours of the day and night and we had to have an appointment to see them. Our daughter in law still resented any time we were allowed with our Grandson and made it well known that we were not welcome. Before the baby came we had a normal loving relationship with her and there didn't seem to be any problems. She even accused me of trying to steal her baby the first time they came to visit us when I was holding him and walking around the house with him. Once she went back to work I was watching him part time as well as her mother- at my son's insistence I was "allowed" to babysit - free of charge and I even went to pick him up at a designated place so they wouldn't have to drive all the way (15 minutes) to my house. I have to say the baby gets excellent care with me and I keep an immaculate house- call them with even the smallest problems (per their instruction) and give them no reason to doubt my ability.
Now to my problem - I am worried sick that the same problems are going to arise with the new baby- should I stay away all together so to avoid conflict? I tried to be courteous and respectful with the last child but ran into a brick wall. Me and my husband have a life of our own and don't "live" for the grandchild but want our son and grandson to know he has our support and love as well as she feels she has from her parents. Don't look at this as a jealousy of her parents issue either - we get along fine with her parents and love the fact that our Grandson has loads of love from all of us. Any advice would be appreciated.