Seeking advice to stop a teasing Grandfather
I'm hoping someone can give me some insight/advice on how to politely change a Grandpa's behavior (my father-in-law).
I have two children: 4.5yrs old and 2.5yrs old. Since my oldest was born we've been having issues with my fil and how he interacts with with them. He used to be very physically rough with them, but through a lot of discussions with him, he has improved immensely in that area.
However, he still teases them both--he mainly calls them "bad" or that he is the "bad grandpa" and that it's "fun to be bad". He's also called my daughter "stupid", "dummy", and other terms that I do not find acceptable for small children (no matter the intent behind them). He has poor judgement on what shows are age appropriate for small children to watch (and he really likes watching movies or TV with them). And he encourages them to bite, scratch, and kick him (all of which are expressly not allowed) by making it into a game.
My mil does not police his behavior at all. However, she gets very insulted if I or my husband complain or make suggestions.
Our relationship with them has suffered greatly. They want us to "back off" and let them do what they want with their grandchildren (and also let them watch them over a weekend). I believe that what my fil is doing is harmful to my children (as evidence by their behavior following almost every visit to their house--especially when they've clearly been hurt and there are tears involved).
I believe family is very important and am fully committed to working things out with them as best we can. But I also feel strongly that we should not leave my children with them unsupervised until some of the issues have been resolved.
So, I guess my question is how can I help them see that what they are doing is harmful? And that my husband and I are not trying to be overly picky about our kids, we're just trying to protect them?