Missing my grandchildren

prdyerJune 22, 2002

I have 2 grandchildren from my son's first marriage. The marriage did not end well and my ex daughter-in-law has decided to cut all contact from me and my grandchildren -

My daughter-in-law is a very controlling person and I think she always hated it when I would go visit the children and they would come back home so excited from having a fun time with Grandma. My feeling is that regardless of how she feels about me personally ---she knows how much I love those children and they love me ---in her last letter to me,, she even said "I am going to take away from you the thing you value the most --your grandchildren". The children are 10 and 8 years old and I haven't seen them since last August - I can't even call them. It breaks my heart because I know how much my grandparents meant to me.

My son gave up custody to her new husband because of the same thing ---she kept moving the children around the US and it was very difficult for my son to keep in touch and when he did have them, she would always find something to nag at him about when he brought them home. Again, I don't think she liked it because they had a good time with him.

She kept pusshing my son away ---never had the kids send Father's DAy cards or call him and when my son tried to call -she would use that wonderful caller ID to decide if she wanted him to talk to the kids ---

I don't want those children thinking that I have just stopped loving them ---I sent a couple of small gifts for Halloween last year and their mother sent them back unopened.

The last time I talked to my grandson, he asked if he could come see me (his mother listens in on the calls) and I said "sure - anytime" and then he hesitated (I knew someone was talking to him) and then he said ---in a real sad voice "I guess I will come visit you when I am 18. That just broke my heart and I am sure he did not understand why his mother said that.

Any advice?

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OH, I feel so bad for you! I have just one new grandaughter, and it would break my heart if I couldn't see her. Isn't there some sort of Grandparents rights that can be enforced by law that grants you visitaion rights?
Have you looked into your legal rights as their grandparent?

    Bookmark   June 26, 2002 at 11:25PM
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That is very heart-breaking. I agree that you should check into your legal rights. I really don't know if there is anything else you can do because it doesn't sound like your ex DIL is going to budge. I'm very sorry! I hope it works out for you and you get to see your precious grandchildren.

    Bookmark   June 27, 2002 at 11:06PM
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That is heartbreaking. I made sure my kids saw the grandparents on my ex's side. It sounds like she doesn't care about hurting her own children. To quote a bumper sticker: Mean People Suck!

    Bookmark   June 28, 2002 at 11:46PM
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Why didn't your son go to court and fight because his ex was preventing him from seeing them? He should have done something other than just give up custody totally! That's like saying he really didn't care and just left the kids. It will leave a mark that may never ever be able to be fixed on these children. The mother had no right to keep her kids from his father and if he still was able to see them, then so would you.

I had an ex-SIL who was keeping her kids from their father. She claimed that his new wife harrassed her and sent nasty letters and things but there was really no proof that the letters came from the other couple. She also made sure not to EVER pick up the phone if the Caller ID said out of area and he lived out of the state. She ended up leaving my BIL and finding a new guy but at the time she was talking about abandonment and having my BIL adopt the kids. She told the kids their father didn't care and yet stopped any form of communication between them. You have no idea what this woman may be saying or doing with these kids. Look into Grandparents rights and maybe also you need to talk to your son about getting back in his kids life. You don't stop seeing them because the mother makes your life hard. My step father has been bad mouthed and blackmailed and everything else by his ex-wife but it hasn't stopped him from trying to be with his children. It's going to probably be a long, bumpy ride but you have to decide if the children are worth it and do it.

    Bookmark   July 1, 2002 at 11:08AM
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Oh, this is all soooo sad and unneccessary. I agree you should look into your rights. Our pastor and wife have sued for and won visitation rights for their son's first born. Things have worked out and they have a good relationship, now.

Also, I would keep a journal of your time apart. Try not to make it to depressing and don't down grade their mother. Because you put down a parent, you put down the child. But just write things like that you are thinking of them and wondering what they are doing. Maybe mention age appropriate things they might be involved in. Things you would like to do with them if you could.

That way when they reach age of independence and look you up, they will know that they were loved.

I feel sooo sorry for your ex-DIL. She is going to be the loser in this big time. To bad she can't see it now and change.

Good luck.

Gramma Connie

    Bookmark   July 5, 2002 at 12:37PM
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Mean people do suck! Had the same problem with my son's exgirlfriend. Finally did go to court and won visitation every other Saturday. She's still nasty but we won't back down.

    Bookmark   August 28, 2002 at 8:33PM
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I am hurting for you. Only someone who has been there knows the feeling of having a heart ache like this. I didn't see my granddaughts for 7 months and I went into a depression. I love them so much. I see them know but only about once every two weeks. The problems was the son in law. He tried to approach my other daughtedr. She told my huysband and I. The son in law was afraid we would tell my daughter so he lied and said it was her. My daughter and I were very close before this. We both cry because we will never have the same relationship because of him. He sees my daughter cry and my granddaughters want to see me and he still lies. My husband and I said enough is enough. Let's let it go for the kids sake. We can never solve this. He is the wrong one and says he will never see us. That means we have no holidays together. We used to spend everyone together. My husband is Santa. How can a father see his children and wife hurt by his lies and not put an end to this. His family know is the best and sees them all the time. I think it's sad that family can't get along with everyone. He is sick. Thanks for listening.

    Bookmark   September 19, 2002 at 9:16PM
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my daughter took away my 4 grandkids two states away, i am devasted!!!!!! 2yr., 6yr., 7yr., & 11yr., they are everything to me. it is so heartbreaking, my prayers to all others who posted here also, why are people so selfish and hurtful?

    Bookmark   July 25, 2012 at 8:20PM
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My heart breaks for all you grandparents going through this. If only the moms would wake up and realize the ones they are hurting are their own children!

    Bookmark   August 21, 2012 at 3:16PM
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There are no custody rights for grand parents. The mom and dad usually fight for custody in court and if you throw in grandparents it would be impossible.

    Bookmark   October 30, 2012 at 1:49PM
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