grandmother teases granddaughter

TamarasApril 29, 2014

How do I stop my mother from teasing my 9yo grandaughter. She makes fun of her hair which it thick coarse and curly and she calls her things like double bubble butt. When I try to talk to her she says im lecturing or that the grandaughter jokes back. I tried to explian about image and self esteem and that I went through the same thing when iwas that age. No success

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
colleenoz

Is your granddaughter actually hurt by the teasing, or are you being "proactive" or projecting your own childhood feelings onto your granddaughter?
A little teasing if taken in the right spirit makes children more resilient about mean-spirited teasing in later life.
If your granddaughter is truly hurt but joking back to cover her hurt feelings, then by all means make that clear to your mother. Also make it clear that unless she stops the teasing then her great granddaughter won't be around her much.
If your granddaughter is not hurt, leave it lie.

    Bookmark   April 30, 2014 at 12:01AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
emma

I would never let my mother or anyone else treat my daughter like that. It could destroy her self esteem, she could grow thinking that is what she is. I was working as a cashier when a young woman came through and she called her little boy a "turd". I risked my job but I did not care. I told her if you keep calling him names like he will grow thinking that is what he is. She did not complain or even look angry, think she knew it was the wrong thing to do.

I wanted to add to this post with an experience my cousins and sisters had. We had an uncle who like to tease everyone, his teasing was mean. The 2 things I remember were visiting relatives that had a very high porch. My uncle would stand on the ground and tell the kids to jump and he would catch them. Well, he caught everyone but my sister, she hit the ground. Another time we were at his home and my sis put a record on the player and started dancing to it. He broke the record and threw it in the trash. Evidently it was a sin to dance, but letting her fall off a high porch was not.

My sister never forgot his treatment of her and asked our Mom why she allowed it. Mom had no answer, she didn't know why she allowed it.

This post was edited by EmmaR on Sun, May 4, 14 at 12:31

    Bookmark   May 3, 2014 at 2:25PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
fishymom

I went through something similar with my mom when my son was young. She would try to force him to eat and argue with me when I let him get up from the table. I finally had to tell her he was my son and if she could not respect my wishes, she would not be welcome at mealtime. It was hard, her feelings were hurt, but I grew up being forced to eat stuff that I didn't not like, to the point that I would get physically sick, and I vowed I would not do that to my children. I offered my children a variety of foods and encouraged them to try new things, but never forced them to eat. My son is still a picky eater at 27, but is getting more adventurous. My daughter is 21 and there are very few foods she will not eat.

This is a tough one, but you need to tell your mother that while you understand that she means no harm, it is your child and you have asked her to stop teasing her and if she does not comply, you will have to limit her access to your daughter. People of that age don't always understand the damage they can cause with what they consider good natured teasing, they were brought up in a very different world. But it is your job as a parent to protect your daughter.

Good luck with this, not an easy situation.

    Bookmark   May 4, 2014 at 12:53PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
sylviatexas1

You might ask her,
Why would any sane person argue with a parent who says, "Please stop teasing my child?"

People who 'tease', like people who tickle & people who play what they call practical jokes, are sadists & abusers;
they know they're victimizing someone (victimizing is what happens when you do something to someone who does not want it done to them).

This nonsense of 'it's all in good fun' is a self-serving lie;
if it's all in good fun, why doesn't she 'playfully' go to a bar & find some big beefy men & call them 'drunken no-neck apes' or some similar hilarious names?

It's like people who beat their wives so badly that the wives have to be hospitalized;
the guys often say, "I just couldn't help myself."

That's a lie too.

If it were the truth, why do they never beat the daylights out of anybody in front of a police station?

& these people always seem to find one victim out of a group, which isolates that one person & makes her misery even worse.

Note that the guy who had the girl jump off the porch only to 'tease' her by making her fall did it only to one girl;
it wasn't 'funny' enough to do it to any other child.

Make her stop, or keep her away from your daughter.

Don't listen to what she says;
you won't get anywhere, & she'll keep you tangled up in emotional nonsense.

I wish you & your daughter the best.

    Bookmark   May 31, 2014 at 10:22PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
BananaBread

"How do I stop my mother from teasing my 9yo granddaughter?"

No access.

    Bookmark   July 2, 2014 at 10:12PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
Daughter's messy house...
My daughter and SIL have 2 beautiful children that...
alamator
Great ways to bond with your grandchildren
What are fun activities that do you do to bond with...
MargStone
Very young grandparent....
Hello! I just came across the site, and hoping to find...
kase48
Uninterested Grandparents
I need some advice! My husband's parents are local...
Jensor04
I Don't Like the Name
A child's name is important to me and I tend to prefer...
Pagefan
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™