tell me im right

feelingblueApril 17, 2007

Please help!

My son is 11 years old. His relationship with his grandparents (on my husbands side) has not been very close. My sister babysat my son untill he was five. We did not want to bother his grandparents becauase I felt that it would be too much for them. We never lived very far away from them; only 3 miles. However even then they did not often visit my son. I remember how angry I would get when they would just drive by the house and not stop to see thier grandson. Many times I would call and invite them over for dinner hoping they would say yes. I would think she would be excited because she could see her grandson. My fatherin law would usually come but my mother inlaw wouldnt. This would anger me more.

So about a year ago we moved next door to them thinking this would improve my sons relationship with them. Oh, my brother in law and his new wife also moved next door. My husband and his brother never really had a close relationship. I really dont like my brother in law very much and his relationship with my son is not close. Put it this way, he never made the effor to visit my son. Not even in the hospital when he was born and spent 10 days there because he was ill. Anyway, They recently had a baby who is now a year old. This is my point: My inlaws decided to babysit thier baby after complaining to them that it would not be a permanent thing. Its been almost a year, they are still babysitting and they have grown so close to him. I feel that they are ignoring my son. They seldom visit, we cant go anywhere with them because they are always babysitting. It makes me angry because I dont even get a phone call asking how their other grandson is doing. She spends allot of time, even on the day she does not babysit, with the baby grandson. My father in-law used to visit more than my mother in-law but now he hardly every comes over. We see them them outside and they just wave to my son. I have been very quiet towards them, and I think they have noticed that somethin is wrong. You can definately see the difference of how they feel about both grand kids. I guess you can say that I am jelouse that they spend so much time with the new grandbaby and I feel they are ignoring my som. My husband feels the same way but refuses to say anything. I am angry at my in-laws for acting this way towards my son but I do not know how to handle it. My mother tells me that I need to stop feeling this way but it is very difficult because the differences are so very obviouse. Should we just live with it or should we approach them about it? My son loves his cousin and we are careful that he does not hear us talk about this situation.

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Wow...are you actually saying that you have invited them over many times and only your FIL comes and your MIL stays home? They only wave to their grandson in the yard when they see him? Is this really what you're saying? I guess I want to make sure I'm reading this right before I respond.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 3:38AM
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Your mistake was moving next door to your in-laws with the expectation that their behavior would change. The only result of this move seems to be that you are more unhappy and hurt now than before you moved.

They are what they are and it seems they are unable or unwilling to change. Have you told your in-laws of your hurt and frustration? It probably won't help, but at least you'll get it out of your head. If you can't, then write it down, be as angry as necessary, and say all the hurtful things you might want to say to them, and then BURN IT. Under no circumstances should you show that to any one.

You are going to have to learn to deal with it, they've been this way for 11 years, they aren't going to change.

I would suggest you move away from them, and create a wonderful life for your family that doesn't depend on cold, uncaring grandparents or uncle (sounds like the apple didn't fall far from that tree).

Your son will soon lose interest in his cousin (the baby) as he moves into middle school and adolescence with all the joys and heartaches that come with these years. He certainly doesn't need his mother distracted by her own unhappiness, and unable to give him the time and attention he will need to navigate these difficult years successfully.

Good luck.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 6:26PM
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You have some good advice here. And Momj is right on. I think you would be much happier if you lived somewhere else.

    Bookmark   June 28, 2007 at 2:47AM
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This is only addressing the issue of your in-laws being closer to the new baby. They babysit him... have daily contact, so of course they are closer. I can't comment on why your in-laws act like they do. Seems like there is more to the story.

2 of my grandchildren I see almost every day. The other one I only see about once a week if that. But, I am closer to him and he holds a special place in my heart because I babysat him from birth until he was 2 years old. We built all those special baby memories together. I love them all though.

I have a friend that babysits 2 of her grandchildren, plus 2 other kids. When you listen to her stories, she brags on the 2 that aren't hers just as much.

    Bookmark   July 1, 2007 at 12:59AM
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