Wd like to know GM who have to ask perm to hold their gc

mick-50April 15, 2008

Would like to know if their are grandmothers or I should say grandparents who have to ask permission to hold their grandchild. I am really devastated because my daughter in law gets real upset with me because I don't ask her to hold my grand-daughter. Let me explain; I have never interfered in my childrens lives, I have 2 boys, one married and the other living with his girlfriend. I have had a past experience of an invasive mother in law who caused her son and myself to divorce and this is something that terribly hurt me and I swore that I would never do this to my children. I have let them live their lives and have never interfered. I hardly get to see my grand daughter, I am almost afraid to go over to see her because of fear of how her mother will react. They were over for Easter and my daughter in law was holding the baby while we were eating dessert and when we finished I just got up and said to my grand daughter "come to grandma and let your mother eat her dessert", little did I realize that I made a huge mistake not asking my daughter in law permission. Is this a common thing? Because I am a new grandmother. I was brought up in a completely different environment where babies were a bundle of joy that we shared with our loved ones, but getting upset because I didn't ask her permission, what is the problem? Grandmothers who have or have had the same problem, let me know how you are handling the situation. Just after my daughter in law gave birth, we all went to the clinic to visit her but no way would she let us hold her baby.

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I guess you'll just have to continuing asking if you ever want to hold the baby.
Have you talked to your son about it? Are the two of you close? How old is the baby?

Often overprotective mothers begin to relax when the baby is around 2-3 months but it definitely varies with each family!

My DSis's ex DIL was like that but she was also very obsessed about germs. It was a difficult few months for my DSis and I felt bad for her since it was her first grandchild.

I know it's must be heartbreaking to feel so left out. I do hope they come around in the next couple of months and start to appreciate your offers to help.

    Bookmark   April 17, 2008 at 12:12AM
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It seems as though it could have been handled better. Mothers do not like when people just come up and take a child out of their arms any more than you would like it if someone came up and took away something you were holding - let alone a baby.
I think if you had respected the fact that she was holding her daughter and you could have asked, "Dear, would you like me to hold her for you so you can finish your dessert? I would love to hold her." Something like that instead of posing a question to a baby who obviously cannot answer.
It almost seems Passive Agressive (even though I'm sure you didn't mean it as such) but to ask a baby that and then take her would come across like you just dismissed the fact that she was holding her daughter.
I would apologize and tell her that you realize you overstepped a boundary and it won't happen again. That you love her and think she is a fantastic mother.

In my opinion it has nothing to do with your daughter-in-law being over protective. It has more to do with wanting her role as the mother to be respected.
Good luck!

    Bookmark   April 19, 2008 at 12:33AM
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If she wants you to ask to hold the baby, ask - what is the problem?
It seems like you have some antagonism towards her; no doubt she senses that, and resents your attitude.

    Bookmark   April 23, 2008 at 11:03PM
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