Walking on eggshells with new parents

sagepetalApril 6, 2012

I am a Grandmother of two.Both children are under 3.They are my son's children.I am a long distance Grandparent so I see them as much as I can (a couple times a year usually).

I limit my calling or txt'ing bc I know my son,his wife are busy with their children,work,relationship and lives.I am also very careful not to come off as telling anyone what to do.

The problem is on the rare occasion I say much about anything,in general conversation,my son perceives what I say as interfering or offensive.

My grandchild received a sandbox as a birthday gift.I made the comment,such and such store sells non toxic sand if he needed to get some sand for it... not all sand is safe, was word for word what I said.In a text.

He flipped,cursed and thought I was putting down the sandbox.Asking me, "what the #$@^ was wrong with sand?And,"it's regular @$$ sand,JC."

Years ago I knew a neighborhood kid who became sick,broke out because of bad sand.So yes,I pointed out some sand is no good for play.

Should new Grand parents just shut up?Say that's nice,don't tell them something is harmful even when you know it is or could be,or suggest anything at all?

Pointing something like this out, I avoid doing as much as possible.I don't interfere in his marriage,treat his wife nicely,treat my Grandchildren nicely and lovingly.They see little of me.

It feels ,when I talk to my son,that I must monitor all and everything for fear of upsetting him.It's hard to talk to him and carry a conversation similar to I'd have with a neighbor.

It's so uncomfortable it's the other reason I limit my calls,etc.I understand children must grow up,build their own lives,put their marriages and children first.But I find it sad having to be on such guard for fear I'll slip up and say something that will trigger these types of responses.

Anyone deal with similar?Any advice would be appreciated.

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marie_ndcal

You still have a right to clarify what could hurt the children. No not all sand is good for toddlers. Yes the sandbox should be covered if there are pets in the area. Just fight back, nicely, but firm I do it all the time and guess what, they eventually get over it. When he blows up, gets upset, just ask, ok what in the heck did I do now or say. Be open and things will work out. GM with 4 GD, and 3 1/2 GGK's
Marie

    Bookmark   April 7, 2012 at 10:54PM
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