Son and DIL are horrible parents!

damaged_granApril 14, 2010

Only grand is 5 and lives a few blocks from me. I babysit him 6 days a week and keep him more hours than I am required to because he hates going home. They spank him and yell all the time. They are too busy playing video games and being online to play with him. They sit him in front of the TV all the time. I don't sleep from worry. I fight with them all the time about the way they parent. Neither were raised that way though the DIL was not well liked by her parents but her brothers were very bonded with them. They spend time with their son's kids but not much with their daughter's child. I love this boy more than life itself! I never spank or yell at him. I have no friends anymore because I want to be available to him all the time if he needs me. If I call over there and they kids sound grumpy I go over and play with my grandson. They don't mind at all which is a good thing. My biggest fear is what would happen if I died or something. He wouldn't have me to protect him.

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oilpainter

Your only recourse if you want to keep him out of that situation, is to document their behavior. Then see a lawyer and sue for custody. Now I don't know what your relationship is with your son, but that would definately alienate him and I don't know if you'd want to do that. I can think of nothing else that would work for you.

I'd think long and hard about it. Right now you have no legal standing and without you he would be alone. I really feel for you.

    Bookmark   April 14, 2010 at 9:11PM
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damaged_gran

Thank you but I don't think I need to take custody of the child. My son and DIL need to grow up! I talked to my DIL today and she said she hates when she has to resort to spanking. The child is not spanked daily BTW. He isn't covered in bruises either. I don't know how to explain it other than to say that my grandson is not learning the things he will need to be a parent someday. He is becoming short tempered like my son. My son was not like this as a child nor even as a teenager. He changed in his early 20's and no he does not drink, smoke or take drugs! I am certain of that thank God! I know they both want more than they have now. They has a child young so they had to give up some things. They bought a nice house but rely on us a lot for extras which we can afford but I hate to keep giving to them like that. We have other kids who we don't have to do for financially. When those children eventually have kids we know they won't need financial help from us as they are all established already!

I think if they were more respectful of us it would help. My GS emulates his parents as all kids do and they are not setting good examples. He calms down when at school and playing with other kids but when he is with his parents he is wild. When we are alone is a good boy but I see the temper though I can avert his anger before he lets loose.

Part of me misses having adults in my life to spend time with and talk to. I have resigned myself to finding a new friend once the GS is in full time school next year. Kindergarten is only part time here. If nothing else, I need a shoulder to cry on. I had a best friend for many years and we shared all our troubles as well as happiness with each other. Her husband got transferred overseas so we seldom talk anymore. The time difference is too much to try to do more than email. I guess I am lonely too. My husband travels on business a lot and honestly when he is home we seldom talk much anymore.

    Bookmark   April 14, 2010 at 11:28PM
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oilpainter

Well it seems the situation isn't as dire as it came across in your first post.

Yes maybe your son and DIL need to grow up, but will they? I don't think so. Because you will it is not going to make it happen. I think you have to deal with things as they are and how and why you do it is your choice and your decision.

I wish you well

    Bookmark   April 17, 2010 at 4:04PM
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mariend

I would suggest you/or your kids contact someplace like a YMCA to see if they offer parenting courses. Or encourage them to start a hobby, visit free places, etc. One reason they may be doing what they are doing is habit, and being bored.

    Bookmark   April 20, 2010 at 10:02PM
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carol_in_california

As long as you give them extras and care for their son they are not going to have any reason to become responsible parents.
You will be treated the way you allow yourself to be treated. You need to set boundaries.
I know it is difficult and I hope the best for you.

    Bookmark   April 22, 2010 at 10:55PM
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mary_c_gw

You son and DIL have no reason to be good parents. They can dump the kid anytime they want. They have absolutely zero reason to change their behavior.

Change your behavior. Don't be available 24/7. Require respect from your son and DIL.

And please get a life outside your grandson. He's not your child, and you are not helping him or your son.

    Bookmark   April 23, 2010 at 9:55PM
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