But we're the parents!
I really need some advice! My in-laws live about 400 miles away; yet my parents live about 5 miles away. Because of this, I REALLY go overboard to include my in-laws in my kids lives (3 year old and an 8 month old) I send digital pictures at least 4 times a week and I even had my MIL with me in the room while I delivered my youngest son and my mom had to wait outside!
My in-laws visited us at Christmas and New Years and they were just here for the weekend for my oldest's birthday, so we do manage to see them often. My husband and I decided we would travel to spend Easter at their house.
My in-laws are active in church; my husband and I are not and have decided not to raise our children with any religious affiliation. Since we'll be visiting over Easter, we know my in-laws will go to church. Since my husband and I are not religious and because my kids are so young and don't have a very long attention span, my husband and I decided that instead of bringing the kids to church for the service on Easter we would bring them at the end of the service. That way my in-laws could enjoy the service and still "show off" the grandkids to all of their friends afterwards. Well, my MIL was upset by this because she assumed (without asking) that we would bring the kids to church for the service. That upset me somehat because she knows we don't believe in the things she believes in so why would she assume we'd all go to church? And why would we want to bring a 3 year old and an 8 month old who won't sit through a service? Anyway, no big deal. I even thought if it was important to her we could all go and my husband and I could walk around outside with the boys if they act up. (I always try to make concessions for them).
Anyway, the next issue was Easter baskets for the boys. I asked my husband to find out what his parents planned to get the boys because I didn't want too much candy and if they were getting a lot of candy I wanted to get something else. When my husband asked, his dad told him that they have baskets and they had already started to discuss where they would hide the baskets. This made me very mad! We're the parents! Shouldn't we get to do the Easter baskets? Shouldn't they have checked with us to see what we (THE PARENTS) wanted to do and then decided how they could be part of that instead of just taking over??
This is indicitive of how they are with everything! There's no consideration for my husband and me, and usually we allow it because of the guilt that we don't live closer to them. But I can't continue to do this; it's just not fair! We tried to talk to them in the past about boundaries and they got very stressed and things were very uncomfortable between us because they were afraid to say or do anything with the boys. How can I find a happy medium with them? Or should I continue to miss out on things that are important to me to make them happy (I realize there will always be times when this happens, but how do I draw the line??)
Thanks! Just venting this helped!