In-Law jealousy

gammacharMarch 3, 2010

I am a new grandma as of a week ago. I find myself very jealous of my daughters boyfriend's mom. She has a grandson (six months old)already; this is my first. She doesn't work; I work 40-60 hrs per week. She spends every day over at my daughters house with my grandson. How do I get over this jealousy? What if my grandson loves her more than me because she is around him more? How do I make the time I have with him special as he grows?

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maime

I hate to sound callous, but get over it. When he is 16 he will only love the one who gives him money. We had 5 kids, 13 grands and have lost count of great grands we I have had some experience with it. LOL I live in a patio home development (98 homes) and there are mostly seniors around me. I know of two whose grand children come over. Only a few have children who visit, a lot of broken hearts here. I got over it a long time ago.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2010 at 8:17PM
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carol_in_california

I feel sorry for your daughter, having to put up with her boyfriend's mom over there every day.
There are no easy answers but I am sure your grandchild will love you no matter what.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2010 at 10:32PM
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momj47

My goodness mamie he's just a newborn baby. There were no broken hearts in our family, we all visited my parents, all the time, in their retirement community, and the grandkids never asked for money. They adored my parents and my parents adored them (the other side of the family reaped what they sowed).

The same thing happened to me and I was caught totally by surprise by the intensity of the feelings. I don't think it's jealousy as much as a protective response for this newest member of the family. I managed to keep it under control until it slowly dissipated.

My DD's MIL was suddenly showing up with bags of gifts and lots of plans, even though her two granddaughters were living with her. It drove me nuts. But it was the novelty, and she quickly lost interest and rarely visits or calls or anything, now.

I took two weeks off from work and helped out every day after my grandson (and subsequent granddaughter) was born, and went over for a day every weekend. I always made time to help or babysit, or whatever was needed, since they lived an hour away. My family always takes priority over my job.

Newborn babies aren't very interesting, but once the little guy is 7 or 8 months old, he'll start noticing and interacting. I took my grandson for walks in the stroller, and wandered through a few nearby stores and then we fed cookies to the cows - he thought that was the funniest thing. You should be able to do the same with the weather warming up. Just playing on the floor with him is fun for him, too.

Now that my DD, SIL and two grandkids live 2000 miles away, I fly down to see them every 2 months. My grandson, who's 4, knows that he has many grandparents and he loves them all, but he and his sister are so comfortable with me now, that I'm not worried. I'm happy to share them (though those twinges still come back sometimes!)

If the other grandmother is interfering with your visits, then your DD and her SO will have to talk to her, nicely of course and work out times that are just for you.

Enjoy, this is the most fun you'll ever have.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2010 at 2:29PM
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yoyobon_gw

You are both completely different women with different personalities.
Babies and children are VERY intuitive and perceptive.
DO NOT try to compete with the other grandmother.
That will surely take away from the joy and calm that you want to bring to this baby.
Let your feelings of love for this child shine through all your visits.
No matter how many or few, that child will know you love him and will respond to that love.
It is our nature.

Jealousy is not appropriate here.

It will ruin you as a grandmother because instead of being with the child out of a true feeling of love, you will be competing with some other woman. That baby deserves much more.

    Bookmark   March 6, 2010 at 10:32AM
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gammachar

Just wanted to let you know that my daughter is being very "cool" bout the "time" situation. She keeps me informed about my grandsons daily activities. She even invited me to watch him get his first months pictures done!! I was so happy. She knows I don't have much time and she is making sure I get to be in his life! All that worry over nothing! Thanks to those who supported me!

    Bookmark   March 21, 2010 at 9:32PM
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